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Posted on 09/02/2004 2:18:28 PM PDT by HairOfTheDog
I'm not sure what that's in reference too, but I love both machinery and nature...probably because of being both part German and part Irish.
At least g'nad has the decency to *post* it on his property that "trespassers will be killed and eaten".
It's just common courtesy, that.
thanks :)
Evening Sam!
I'm a luddite that likes wood and some metal things, but hates concrete.
And asphalt. Ick!
Any kind of pavement is ~right~ out.
Anyone know what anniversary we are having tomorrow?
Smoochmoot?
I enjoy concrete quite a bit, though it's harder than rocks.
However, wood is far cooler, true.
I love nature over all things, I guess, but love technology very much too. So I guess I can't be a luddite. I guess ultimately I regard technology as part of nature anyway.
'Evening.
hehehehe...
Lemme tell ya Rosie, there are some ladies I work with that watch every single reality show they can.
The Bachelor
The Bachelorette
Survivor
Fear Factor
For Love or Money
.......
Let me present evidence of my family's complete ignorance to reality TV.
One night a few months ago, my mom, my sister Roxy and I went to Downtown Miami for a few drinks at a "happening" bar/restaurant. Within the first 5 minutes, Roxy had guys approaching her left and right (she's hatefully pretty).
One of the guys really caught her attention and she gave him her number. Anyway, later that week he called her and during their first phone conversation he mentioned that he was one of the finalists in For Love or Money.
We went online to verify and sure enough, it was him! LOL!
She went out on a couple of dates with him, but nothing grew from it.
Gorgeous guy and everything, but none of us even knew he was on that show and the show was running at the time!!
Yes, a year ago tonight I was a nervous wreck!
Well, I did it. I have quit the 'blogging' experience. To make a long story short, have been having some deep thoughts on the matter, and decided that I should do what I know I should do, but have thus far been too much in denial about. I wrote the below as my last entry.
You know what? I feel better already.
__________________________________________________________
I think the Kol Nidre speech of an earlier post got to me deeper than I thought, because thoughts have been rattling around in my sleep-deprived brain like something loose in the back of the truck.
You see, anger is a corrosive thing, and it has been seeping like a wound to the top of my psyche this past year. I have been aware of it, but thought that it was something outside of me, a Natural reaction to things beyond my control. But anger is how I react to fear. I don't buckle. I don't wish it all away. I latch onto it and try to wrestle it...and end up hurting myself in the process. I always joke that it's the Aries ram in me : never one to turn down a confrontation, and more than half-seriously believing that sometimes the best defense is a good offense. In truth, it is a fear I am loathe even to bring out for you now to show. It is one God and I have been in constant conversation about...and I am still arguing with Him.
This is what I have slowly...secretly...been coming to realize about myself. I don't know if it's the tension of the election year just now starting to come to a full head, or leftover rage and fury and grief from 9-11, fueled higher by Beslan. I was honestly thinking the very same thoughts I am having now that Tuesday morning. I had made myself a promise : no more wasting the day being an info-junkie. I had Things to Accomplish.
And I still do...more immediately, the desire to get back into the work-force, if only to relieve some of the pressure off my poor husband who has busted his tail to take care of me and the daughter. And I would be foolish not to heed the rumors I have seen discussed in the blogosphere of the occaisional casualties of this marvelous new media in the form of 'letting go' an employee who maintained a blog/online journal. My first and foremost reason for quitting the journal is that I have to quit that now if I am to return to the business of the world.
But it's also because of the depletion of any sense of creativity in me. I say I'm going to write and where do I go first? To my journal to pound away about some bee in my bonnet, and the news boards to scan for the Liberal!Bust of the Day (which is often quite easy...its the VOLUME that gets unmanageable!) I used to dream of my own elves, my own alternative world, and it used to be so easy to pour out what I could see in my mind's eye : the glint of the rapier striking dread in the villain's heart, the fearsome quiet of a dangerous forest, the painful sharpness of feelings gone awry.
I hate the idea of retreating. I hate the idea of closing the shade on such a vibrant new aspect of the Information Age. Not that I had any contribution to it! I am a rag-tag piece of baggage in that respect. But the Little Voice of God has been whispering to me that it is all but the grass...and I am only just a little hobbit after all. He has been reminding me of those parts of literature that sing to me the most, the characters that are hidden and have the most force, the ones that have eschewed Power because Power itself corrupts. It's corrupting me in more ways than you realize, and I *will* be called on the carpet for it sooner or later. I do not like the image that comes to my mind when thinking of how I will explain myself. Just know I was offered Joy once, because I had been asking for It, and I am in danger of losing it.
I think the goose is telling me something. I am cooked! I don't remember many of my dreams, but I have had some that were dramatic enough for me to sit back and re-evaluate my bearings. It was not an emotional dream, but enough of a signal for me to question it. Whenever I do that, there is usually something right about it. And I think I am being told I should quit my journal.
I know some of you I have just recently friended. I am so terribly sorry to abandon you like this. But I have to Let Go of some things now...and the journal...ANY blogging...is my first choice. It is a material possession that is extremely difficult to give up. It is a genuine addiction for me that is having some effects that I don't like, and its time I faced up to it. I know this is all VERY sudden, but I didnt say anything because I didnt want to be light about it. I want to be very serious.
Those who have friended me back and given me so much support : I haven't words to thank you enough. It is a feeling that shows how inadequate I am, but you have to know I am grateful and glad to have met you all!
And those whom I have summarily alienated : I am sorry and regret misspent words. I dont apologize for the beliefs I have. I still retain them and will only change them when *I* see fit. But I had opportunities to bring you to my side, and I squandered them. That is the result of anger.
I say all this and am still hedging my bets at retaining community with those on Free Republic. I will go so far as to tell you my username there is Alkhin. I have weathered that community for a bit longer and my desire to be fully immersed there is well since dead.
I am sorry, but I have to do this. I am twisted by sin, but I don't have to like it. God told me so.
God bless you all and may He maketh His face to shine upon thee, protecting thee from evil.
Not in public, there won't be ;~D
Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself!
I'm just grinning like an idiot over here!
~smiles~
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