Can you even imagine what was behind Toni’s eyes as she SEETHED about him hiking with his DAUGHTER’S friend?????? The lingering anger, the hatred beforehand as she raged at the thought of this young woman????
And, oh, yes, it would be unleashed at some point - most likely when he had put a ring on it and was committed.
Yes, actually, I can.
Three words:
Ditch the Bitch.
My experience is that it is usually a projection of a past experience by the older woman entering the relationship of her unresolved emotion.
I had a really bizarre case where an 80 year old woman was extremely angry at her wonderful husband of 35 years. So angry that she was stuck in extreme grief when he died.
He was married before, had three children, and his wife died of cancer.
She was married before, had two children, and her husband cheated on her, so she divorced him.
The two met, merged their families, raised their five children and had a wonderful marriage for thirty five years when he was diagnosed with cancer.
They were both accepting of his pending death, and when it happened, she was as OK as one can be after losing a close loved one.
The next day after his death, she went to the hospital to pick up his belongings, and found that he took a picture of his first wife who died almost forty years earlier along with him to the hospital, knowing that he was going to die.
“That Basterd” she yelled. “He left me to go to Heaven and be with his first wife!”
Two weeks later, I’m working with her due to her extreme grief. I was teaching a workshop at a psychology conference when she volunteered for a demonstration. Immediately I realized that her unresolved anger was too great and recent to use as a demonstration in a public forum.(she was a psychologist)
Later that day I showed her that her anger was not at her husband who died, but at her previous husband who cheated on her. She never forgave him.
We did some forgiveness work regarding her ex husband, and when it was complete, she was no longer angry at her husband who died. She was no longer stuck in grief. It was merely the projection of her unresolved anger upon her husband who died.
This whole process takes only a few minutes for me as consciousness is physical to my perception. I merely have the person feel the emotion, in this case it was anger relating to betrayal by her husband who just died.
They she close her eyes and I start about 20 ft away from her and move forward until I locate the memory of the perceptual programming event that created the wound. Often it goes all the way back to when they were in their mother’s womb and it was the mother’s experience, not their experience. A child in the womb cannot differentiate between their own experiences and their mother’s.
It’s like depth psychology or psychotherapy, but only takes a few minutes and very few words are exchanged. I prefer to know nothing about the person ahead of time, not even their name. I just locate the memory that resonates with the same energy.
I’ve been doing this for about thirty five years. Thus I see patterns in people’s souls that program personality development. There is no judgement, just greater understanding.
I would expect a similar experience of the woman who cannot trust the man in this situation.