Congratulations on embarking on your quest for intellectual honesty. It's a whole lotta work. If you keep at it, it will eventually feel more comfortable. It can take a long time.
You will pay a personal price for walking away. Some of your progressive friends will now regard you as apostate. Apostates are sometimes treated very badly by true believers.
Don't back down.
Also, I am sorry to learn that that you lost all your firearms in that tragic boating accident. Many Freepers had a similar experience.
Thank you for the welcome and encouragement.