“Hello, I’m Sauron, Dark Lord of Middle Earth, and I’m announcing my candidacy for the President of the United States as a Democrat because at this time I’m the only prominent Democrat who isn’t implicated in the Epstein pedophilia scandal. Also, as I’m thousands of years old I’m covered by the same clause that let the Founding Fathers be President.”
“A vote for Sauron is like a vote for George Washington.”
Actually, it would be the Mouth of Sauron, his SPOX, doing the talking, but otherwise spot on.