I’ve always felt that he knew something of great significance about that mission that he was under orders to never EVER reveal to anyone, perhaps not even to his wife.
Whatever the ‘Forbidden Knowledge’ was, he apparently took it to his grave.
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All Apollo astronauts underwent a debriefing after they returned. All of them afterward could tell you arr the details of their particular mission. None of them could tell you how it felt ...
Some because violently ill when asked, others just walked away in silence.
It sounds as though they were or still are under a chronic state of light hypnosis. Maybe that was necessary to maintain their sanity.
The immensity, the shapeless, boundless depths of Space would be frightening, even paralyzing to most human beings, even when trained. There is nothing on earth to compare it to.
Recall a few weeks back, when the eight school boys were stranded in that underground cave. They had to swim in deep, dark waters for over a mile before resurfacing. The only way they could do this safely with untrained children was to administer a light sedative prior to their trip out. The lucky one’s have virtually no memory of their underground, underwater travel.