To: Mr. K
I always liked this one:
You Might Be A Redneck Jedi IF
- Youve ever said, "May the force be with yall."
- Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
- At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer-colored.
- Even though you had to kill him, you thought Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
- Jawas come to you for used parts.
- Last Christmas you bought a friend a hanging air freshener for his X-Wing.
- Parts of a TIE fighter you once blew up hang in your living room as trophies.
- People mistake your house for a Jawa, used droids, and speeder parts dealership.
- Stealing Imperial shuttles is a family outing.
- The doors of your X-wing are welded shut and so you climb in through the window.
- The front of your landspeeder has bantha horns.
- The smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabbas Gamorean guards.
- You can describe the taste of Ewok.
- You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.
- You consider a peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
- You ever fell in love with your sister.
- You find no grammatical errors or syntax problems with the way Yoda talks.
- You have at least one droid held together with baling wire and/or duct tape.
- You have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to repair your landspeeder.
- You have ever used The Force in conjunction with a bowling or spitting contest.
- You have ever used The Force to get yourself another beer so you didnt have to wait for a commercial.
- You have the words Foxy Lady painted on your landspeeder.
- You inherited a Styrofoam cooler and a tackle box along with your light saber.
- You know that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
- You own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
- You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
- You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel than that sissy vest.
- You use the O on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
- You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
- You wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
- You wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
- Youre flying a ship with no original parts.
- Youve ever accidentally referred to Darth Vaders evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
- Youve ever fantasized about Princess Leah in Daisy Duke shorts.
- Youve ever used The Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
- Youve ever used The Force to give someone a wedgie.
- Youve ever used your R-2 units self-defense electroshock thingy to light your barbecue grill.
- Youve got a stuffed womp rat from Beggers Canyon on your mantle.
- Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son. Come on over to the dark side! Itll be a hoot."
- Your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millennium Falcon.
- Your Jedi master ever said My finger you will pull.... hmmmmmm?
- Your landspeeder has a blaster rack in the back.
- Your landspeeder is painted with a Confederate flag.
- Your wedding cake was sliced with a light saber. You've been on a blind date arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
- You've called the Emperor That old ugly dude in the house coat.
- You've had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
- You've had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to light your barbecue grill.
- You've used your light saber to clean your teeth, clean fish, or open a beer bottle.
- You've lost a hand in a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
11 posted on
06/12/2018 1:40:30 PM PDT by
central_va
(I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn)
To: central_va
“You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.”
Only pussies drink Jack on ice.
15 posted on
06/12/2018 2:08:19 PM PDT by
Hugin
(Conservatism without Nationalism is a fraud.)
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