“Conservativism is the same as .... “
Your post is more than a bit confusing, but I am sypathetic in this one sense:
The definition of what ‘conservative’ means is subjective and nebulous. Lots of people who call themselves conservative, including on this site, are quite willing to sacrifice America’s number one principle - individual Freedom - for the sake of ‘winning’ or theoretically helping people via mandates and subsidies and whatnot.
Many, for example, wish to protect awful programs like SS, Medicare, Medicaid, parts of ObamaCare, funding the drug wars, etc. And, in a logical sense they can think of those misguided goals as being conservative because it conserves the status quo.
But none of those things are compatible with Freedom. And all are unconstitutional in a strict sense - unless implemented at a level lower than the central government.
I look at it this way: the GOP is merely a vehicle that to some extent supports using politics in a way that is slightly less destructive than the way the other side wants to use politics.
People support it for a lot of different reasons, and seeing as the group "Republicans" has about 100 million members, you will find both good and bad in that group.
You seem to have some very specific concerns around social services. Maybe you really are a democrat leaning person now, the Democrat party sees the role of the government as ever-expanding social services.
People change, the parties change. The Dems were the party of segregation and the KKK as recently as the early 1960s, now they are the party of black people.
I think most people here on Free Republic tend to focus more on the conservative philosophy and worldview, and they try to get the GOP to follow it a little more.
Your comments equating Conservatism with Stalinism and Nazism are ridiculous. Probably even you know it. So I"m not going to debunk them in detail.
I'm sorry for your emotional pain, which is quite evident reading your opus. Maybe take some time off from politics and re-engage in meditating on philosophy. The religious comments in your article make me think this in part a crisis of faith, so possibly talk to your pastor if you have one, and pray if you are so inclined.
What ever you decide good luck, I hope both your brother and your son make full recoveries, and I hope that you find peace and happiness in your life.