Hillary’s Remorse Over The Stolen Watermelon

Flopping Aces ^ | 03-12-15 | Skook

[Starman417]

Will Mark Twain’s irony of wit work for Hilary’s peccadilloes?

Samuel Clemens is America’s seminal author of the 20th Century; from his pen, the American author was defined. Armed with imagination and an orator's wit, he is more well known and remembered by his pen name Mark Twain.

Ernest Hemingway said of Twain:

“All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. American writing comes from that. There was nothing before. There has been nothing as good since.”

Hopefully most readers have read some of Hemingway’s novels and Twain’s “Huckleberry Finn”; since, you will be better equipped to understand the efforts of Hilary's staff to recreate the moral equivalency of Twain and stolen watermelons. If Hilary's latest indiscretion can be reduced to the euphemism of a stolen watermelon, she may end up with an apology from the public.

Mark Twain was not only a good writer, he was a great speaker as well; in fact, his ability as a speaker with a dry and sharp wit enabled him to overcome bankruptcy from a lifetime of bad investments. He conducted tours of the US and the world performing speaking engagements to sold-out crowds. The speeches were always modified to reflect the mood and composition of the audience. This speech on Practical Morality was given to the New Savage Club, in London.

"You do not learn practical morality at Sunday School," he said. " There they teach you to avoid temptation. That is theoretical morality. Now, I would teach you to familiarize yourself with crime, so that you will know what you must, not do. That is practical morality. I begin by teaching you how to steal.

"It is by the fires of experience that you are purified. By the commission of crime you learn real practical morality. Familiarize yourself with every crime. Take them in rotation. There are not more than two or three thousand. Stick to the task diligently. Commit two or three crimes every day, and by-and-bye, when you have done them all, you will be proof against the- temptation to. commit any one of them, morally perfect, vaccinated against all wickedness.

"I will tell you a story about the first time I stole a water-melon. That is, l think it was the first time. 'Anyhow, it was right along there somewhere. I stole that melon out of a cart while the farmer was attending another customer. 'Stole' is a harsh term. I will modify it, and say that I withdrew the melon. I carried it to a secluded bower and broke it open — and it was green! It was the greenest watermelon that was raised in the valley that year. The minute , I saw that watermelon was green I was sorry. "I began to reflect. Now, " reflection is the beginning of reform. If you don't reflect when you have committed a crime — why, that crime is no use to you at all. I said to myself, What ought a, boy to do who has stolen a green water-melon?

What would George Washington do? George Washington, father of his country, couldn't tell a lie. He was the only American who couldn't. What would he do? Why, there was only one right and high and noble thing for a boy to do who had stolen a watermelon of that character. He must make restitution. He must restore the melon to its rightful owner.

"And I said, 'I will do it !' The moment I made that good resolution I felt the noble exaltation that comes after you have done wrong and. you determine to do right. I rose up spiritually strengthened and refreshed, and I carried that water-melon back — what was left of it— I restored it to the farmer, and — made him give me a ripe one instead.

"It is this constant impact of 'crime upon crime, this stacking up of iniquity after iniquity, and thus protecting yourself against the commission of those crimes in the future — it is this which builds up your moral edifice, and completes it. You cannot become morally perfect by stealing one water-melon, nor by stealing a thousand. It has been tried. But every little helps."

Now, it is fairly obvious that Hilary is not erudite nor does she have anything similar to the wit of Twain. She is a boor, but she is a survivor, and survivors know to hire intelligent people. Why read when you can hire people who have spent the hours necessary to be erudite? Someone on her staff is clever enough to realize the advantage of admitting a slight indiscretion and creating an aura of innocence through morale equivalence. Bill Clinton employs the same technique:

[alexander_busek]

Samuel Clemens is America’s seminal author of the 20th Century [...]

More like: of the 19th Century (Clemens died in 1910, and was not very productive in his waning years).

And some argue that the 20th Century - the "Short Century" - began properly in 1914, and ended in 1989.

Regards,

[Jack Black]

I’ve never heard the “short century” thing. I take it the brackets are WW1 and the *real* end of WW2 - the fall of the USSR. I’ll have to think about that.

[stremba]

I suppose it follows from the “long century” that I’ve heard historians discuss, namely 1789 (start of French Revolution) to 1914 (start of WWII). That makes sense as those dates bracket a distinct era of European history. The French Revolutionary/Napoleonic wars led to an era that was essentially void of major great power conflicts,(Franco-Prussian war and Crimean War were relatively minor skirmishes), an era that came crashing to a halt in 1914.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

***I restored it to the farmer, and — made him give me a ripe one instead.***

This reminds me of an old poem I first heard fifty years ago, from an old woman who could repeat every line of it. I’ve never heard it since.
It was called KENTUCKEY LARNIN’.

Basically the poem is a little colored boy steals a watermelon and takes it home. His momma is horrified and begins to upbraid him line after line of the poem, “...and disgrace your good Christian mammy!”

Then she says to him, “Because YOU stole it, YOU don’t get none!”
Then she cuts it, and proclaims “...WY IT’S GREEN!”
Then she goes into a rant on how he should thump a melon to tell if it is ripe or green before he steals one.