I’ll be praying for you and your family and that you have guidance on what the right decision is for your daughter.
I agree with you that your generosity and mercy towards her is not being appreciated. Maybe there is nothing more you can do but to give her up to the Lord and take care of yourself and your wife - who needs and truly deserves the attention and efforts you are wasting on your daughter. Like you said, she is an adult and MUST be held responsible for her own actions. There’s a saying, “Sometimes you have to be flat on your back before you look up.”. Perhaps this will be what it takes for her to wake up and realize the precious life she is tossing away.
I’m sorry you are having to go through this.
Prayers for you and your family.