[keat]

If you are bleeding from the eyes press 1.

[Kackikat]

This is a joke, right?

[Trillian]

If you’re bleeding from your anus, press number 2.

[DannyTN]

Is your temperature elevated? An affirmative answer to this question may cause you to be forced into quarantine, your possesions burned and your dog terminated. Press 1 for yes...