Your post is hilarious!
The only point I’d disagree with is that your fantasy guy would try to bargain his way out of being beheaded. I always remember the reporter who got horribly beaten during the Brooklyn pogram of the 1990s who later wrote that he deserved to be beaten because, as a white man, he shouldn’t have been in a black neighborhood. So your guy would probably have said: Go ahead! Hack my head off!
BTW I am a NRA/Israel-Zionist, “peace thru superior fire power” Jew to boot.
This sack of feces would plead, believe me...