boy—prepositional phrase and who/which clause overkill regarding that second sentence...
Thanks for you’re comments regarding the rules of grammar, but writng for a blog requires a more conversational style of writing than you would use for writing a novel. As someone who has done a lot of direct mail copywriting I find the two styles very similar. One of the most difficult things a trained writer has to learn in order to write in this style is to forget the rules. Many of them are never able to make the adjustment. I did not spend that much time rewriting the last piece I submitted but If I had I may have trimmed down some of the sentences as you suggested. When I read it back and I feel like it flows I usually go with it. Ann Coulter, who is one of my favorite conservative writers has perfected this style of blog/email writing and wrote a book one time in one continuous sentence just about. If you want to be a blogger, forget the rules. Thanks for your interest in my articles...Tom