I’m looking for a 20 ga, less recoil.
agreed, the 20ga is good, but you should try some of the new low recoil 12ga buckshot rounds available. You may be surprised at how soft they are.
having said that, the 20ga is a good home defense weapon and will do the job!
Consider a .410 bore... especially if it’s going to be used by your wife. Has the stopping power of a 44, but very little recoil.