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Apparently, a DNA test is not out of the question:

Deer Supreme Court,

How are you. Fine I hope. OMG! I hate to write you again but this is an emergency. This stuff is worse than I thought! First it was President Obama, who we found out was British, like George Washington ain’t spinning in his grave. Now I have found out Ronald Reagan, who is dead now, should never have been our President at all!

I just found out in Debrettes Peerage, which is a book where they peer at kings and things, says that Ronald Reagan was a descendant of Brian Boru, who was a King Of Ireland back in 1014. I guess Ireland and Denmark got in a fight or something, probably at one of them soccer games, and you know how them Irish like to drink. Anyway King Boru just up and beat the crap out of them Denmarkians.

But anyway, if Reagan was part of a line of Irish Kings, I am not sure he ever had America’s best interests at heart. I know the Democrats sure didn’t like him and accused him of this all the time. I hate to say it, but maybe they were right.

And, I have been trying to bone up on all this law stuff and LO AND BEHOLD, there is this law case called Wong the Chinaman or something like that. Y’all done it so I figure you have a copy of it laying around somewhere. And they say that “sovereigns” of other nations, which Kings are, can’t be Natural Born Citizens just because they are lucky enough to be born here. A prince is always under the loyalty and allegiance of the throne, or they can get their heads lopped off. I saw that on TV.

And plus I ain’t never heard of Prince Ronnie renouncing his throne! Like Grace Kelly did. We are just lucky we ain’t all having to speak Irish and drink whiskey all day long. Uncle Sam could have been switched out for a leperkan, leppercon, . . . you know that little fruity looking guy on the Lucky Charms box.

This is getting bad. How many other people like this are going to just pop up as Presidents? No wonder our country has been going to hell in a hand basket. A bunch of our presidents is illegal kings and princes of other places.

Please help us start deciding who can run. Maybe you can check out that Cosmetology.com or wherever it is they have all the birth records and start running these guys back at least to 1014 or so to make sure we ain’t electing foreigners on the sly. And DNA tests. And the Funny Name test. It is a crying out loud shame that people get to run for president and we can’t stop them at all.

Plus, we need to start making foreign countries tell us who all their kings are so we can google them. Next thing you know some descendant of that French guy, the Lost Dolphin, is going to slip in and we will all have to start eating rotten cheese and drinking wine.

Thank you,

A Concerned American