Posted on 03/25/2009 7:26:37 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative
While I totally understand where you are coming from and what you are saying, I have to say that some of the worst "problem" children I am familiar with have stay-at-home moms.
A stay-at-home mom does not guarantee properly raised children, and I say that as a SAHM who also had a SAHM.
And I'm not sure it's entirely due to the kids.
Absolutely true--she complained a few years back when there was school bus stop consolidation (she used to walk her son to the stop every morning). Her son's stop was moved from around the corner from them--six "postage stamp" properties--to a block and a half further. She insisted it was "a mile and a half" from her house, swore up and down it was. I argued about it with her (I ran track so I'm pretty good at judging distances) and she refused to believe me, so I drove her from her house to the new bus stop. Just under two tenths of a mile.
She decided it was still too far, for her at least, and stopped walking her boy to the stop. SOTCM, a special breed of SAHM.
Having been born in Delaware, and mommy being a SAHM who was also a lobbyist, poor Jax didn’t have much choice in the exposure to the wider world, since I took her to the capitol with me on a regular basis. Having worked in that arena for so long, a lot of those people, from both sides of the aisle, were also friends, so there was little “awe” for her. She was used to them being around. On top of it, hubby had worked for some when he was a teenager, and had gone to school with others.
As to the GS troop, well, the problem child and the “mommy” are there, and thus I imagine I would much prefer Jax in either Elen or you Troop. The Leader and 2 other moms are all aware of my problems and do their level best, but alas there is not much anyone can do to keep the woman away. Jax will not move up to cadets next year or have any involvement in GS at all if she can not be assigned to a troop where neither that child or her “mommy” are involved.
True ~ the QUALITY of the stay-at-home mom means everything, as well as a strong and supportive dad.
I loved my family and felt very secure. We played games, laughed a lot, had tons of encouragement. One cannot develop their talents without discipline. We were raised in Love.
My mom’s example convinced me that it was our kids’ right, not a privilege, to have a stay-at-home mom. They’re grown now, and have thanked me for being home, even though I maintained a free-lance business with steady deadlines and (fairly) flexible hours.
I think you've nailed it.
Then there is also the HTBIEM--have to be in everything mom. Which describes the one I've talked about. She even attends Sunday school with them. I kid you not. One of us drops Jax off at church at 9:15, and then we go back to attend service at 10:30 with her.
Unlike our previous pastor, our new one firmly believes in both Sunday school and service attendance by the children and so changed the time of SS to coincide with the adult program prior to service and teaches it herself, rather than let it be done by whoever is available --- including the mom I mention above.
It was the opposite for me.
We obeyed both parents, but feared Mom most!
Mom was incredibly talented, but Dad was definitely more fun.
Our uncle was a printer and used to give us discarded paper, so we always had plenty of drawing paper. It was gold. We weren’t wealthy, but our folks were creative and taught us we could make a living with good ideas.
And we did! And now our kids do, too, because they’ve learned that talent can only thrive through discipline.
Found this thread a few days ago about a guy who uses his dog to teach kids the value of obedience.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2211740/posts
I can not say enough about that part of the equation. I am very blessed with a wonderful husband who is also a hands on and awesome Dad. We rarely go through the "ask your mom" or "ask your father" type things around here. When she asks one of us something the first question she always gets is "have you asked mom/dad?" She generally has one of 2 answers, either not yet or, she/he said we'll talk about it. And talk about it we do.
Of course there are going to be times when mom or dad has to make an on the spot decision without benefit of consulting the other. I know I've made a few that my husband had real good reasons to oppose, but he accepts it and waits until we can speak privately to explain why he disagrees. In every one of those cases he was 100% correct.
I truly hope that my daughter will one day thank me as yours have. I never thanked mine because I couldn't stand her being there, because she really wasn't and thus I had nothing to thank her for. I was thrilled when she finally started working outside the house when I was a junior in high school because it meant I didn't have to come up with excuses to stay late at school and I no longer had to do all the grunt work for her "business."
I wasn't permitted to get a job while I was in HS, but was expected to "work" for her business and then fill in for her at her job when she would take her semi annual trips to visit her parents in Florida. I lived at home while attending college, but the day after my 18th birthday I had a job much to her chagrin.
Yup, the QUALITY of the SAHM is FAR more important than the fact of one.
It must be true, that we have two chances at a good parent/child relationship.
If our first one (with our own parent) was less than wonderful, we have a second shot with our own child.
Sounds like you’re making the very best of your circumstances.
Also, you picked a good, good guy to marry.
So glad for your daughter.
Thank you.
Speaking of great things stemming from good ideas, this is not related to the thread really, but is mighty inspiring (from a documentary we saw the other night.)
Just click on the trailer at the link:
http://www.amannamedpearl.com/
AMEN Sister! Ain't it the truth! Had a wonderful music teacher who used to say that you had to practice -- there were no shortcuts. He was right.
Money can buy you a facelift, it can buy you attractive clothes, it can buy you very cool shoes, and it can even buy you admiration in the charitable community. But money can't buy a blackbelt in karate. Money can't buy your ability to sit down and play jazz piano, or Brahams. Money can't buy you a fit and trim figure.
There is real freedom in discipline, isn't there! So counterintuitive, yet so true. What a wonderful mom and dad your kids have!
You’re very kind. Thank you.
That discipline thing is what I love so much about the link posted above.
Look at the freedom Pearl’s discipline has earned him ~ and that glorious garden he’s sculpted, inspiring the world.
And to think, they didn’t even want him in their neighborhood at first!
LOL I feel your pain. It’s why I never liked living in apartments unless I was on the top floor.
Crazy old white ladies, I guess! What a gorgeous garden. My favorite part was when the little kid asked if he could help. THAT was ... everything, really. God bless the guy.
The ladies were taken a bit out of context ~ it was quite cute actually because they had just interviewed Pearl’s wife and she said how much Pearl loves sharing his garden and how most of the visitors are ladies!
Nothing salacious, really. Pearl looks strong as an ox and he works hard every single day maintaining that garden. He’s in fantastic shape and the documentary shows him climbing all over his trees. He’s nothing short of extraordinary, inside and out.
That one square tree is actually an OAK and to think ~ he’s entirely self-taught about every single aspect.
So-called experts said that what he does is impossible, but since he was never mis-educated, he never knew what to fear!
He just humbly perseveres, picturing it in his mind and then doing it. Many of the sculptures have taken years of patient pruning.
He wants everyone to enjoy the garden, whether they can pay or not. He has a big mailbox out front for donations and folks come to look by the busloads.
What a cool thing for him to do. I love the kid in the trailer who says he can tame trees -- I think that was the word. An artist in living sculpture!
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