"Teetotally Meetmortally!"
"We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun"
"His lead is as thin as turnip soup."
"Whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions."
"One's reminded of that old saying, 'Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.'"
"Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot."
"We had a slight hitch in our giddy up, but we corrected that."
"This race is shakier than cafeteria Jell-O."
"The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few."
"When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!"