[KoRn]

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to comfort a weeping child who didn’t want to be ‘it,’”

Oh my God.....

[Desron13]

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to comfort a weeping child who didn’t want to be ‘it,’” said Vice-Principal Pat Keister. “The game is too stressful and competitive. This contradicts the message of love and affection we are trying to convey through the free condom distribution program for our fifth-graders.”

This man is a liability to the survival of our civilization and should be removed immediately. If he has a problem with teaching a child not to have an emotional meltdown from being "it" in a game of tag, he's not only an idiot, he's a dangerous idiot.

[Marysecretary]

We’re raising a generation of wimps who will never have the intestinal fortitude to fight for our nation.

[FlingWingFlyer]

How did we older Americans EVER make it through life without a Keister? Of course, my dad frequently used to tell me to get off my keister and do something so I might have had one.

Liberals are training our "weeping" children to become a bunch of "weeping" girlymen.

[shibumi]

This is satire - right?

I can’t believe that anyone would be stupid enough to utter that line about condom distribution to fifth graders in the context of “tag”.

[eyedigress]

I think this game at this school may have involved some groping. On another note.....

God forbid they get whacked in the head with that hard as hell rubber ball in a game of dodge-ball. It increased your awareness a hell of alot better than a video game.

[Will88]

JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

[buccaneer81]

Yes, it's...

[buccaneer81]

Pat Keister.

The name alone could inspire an SNL skit.

[ken21]

when i went to 1st grade at the country school with no toilets, k-8 grades, total of 20 students.

the two 8th graders started a game called “annie over”:

they threw a wooden croquet ball over the school roof. half the kids on one side, half on the other.

some kindergarten kid was looking straight up and got hit in the face.

the school teacher came out and ended the game and nursed the k student.

[buck jarret]

Children probably sew half of our clothes, but at this school being ‘it’ in tag is too much for the poor babies.

[givemELL]

Cultural educational psychosis and/or dementia is now legitimized in our institutions at high levels as culturally and educationally superior. Local opposition should be intense. Hope it becomes so.

[napscoordinator]

Kids don’t want cooties anymore?