Carter Kills At King Service (Satire)

The Nose on Your Face ^ | February 8, 2006

[StoneGiant]

February 08, 2006

Carter Kills At King Service

 

While the funeral of the "first lady of the civil rights movement", Coretta Scott King, could have been a dour affair it turned out to be quite the opposite thanks to a stirring eulogy by former President Jimmy Carter.   

Following is a transcript of Carter's speech:

Jimmy Carter: Good evening ladies and germs it's great to be here in Atlanta again. I just flew in from Venezuela and boy are my arms tired.

Audience: (laughter)

Jimmy Carter: Or was it Cuba? Let's see today is Tuesday so it must have been... oh never mind. The important thing is that we are all here today to honor a truly remarkable woman. A woman who was one of the cornerstones of the civil rights movement in this country. A woman who has served as an inspiration to millions of African-Americans, and non-hyphenated Americans, everywhere: Coretta Scott King.

Audience: (applause)

Jimmy Carter: Nah, I'm just messing with you. Okay, how many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Audience: How many?

Jimmy Carter: No one knows for sure since they are too busy spending their time screwing African-Americans over.

Audience: (laughter)

Jimmy Carter: Knock-knock.

Audience: Who's there?

Jimmy Carter: Coretta Scott King.

Audience: Coretta Scott King who?

Jimmy Carter: Bush is ignoring the Constitution and illegally wiretapping your phones because he hates black people.

Audience: (loud applause)

Jimmy Carter: Hey, do you know what this country really needs? WMD's.

Audience: What?!?

Jimmy Carter: Yeah, WMD's: Way More Democrats.

Audience: (applause)

Jimmy Carter: Thank you... thank you. What a great crowd. You guys are even more lively, no pun intended, than the Wellstone audience. I'll be here all weekend... try the communion wafers.

After the service a spokesperson for Mr. Carter reminded the crowd that the former President is available to perform "at funerals, for Communist regimes" and "at the scene of natural disasters provided there is a sitting Republican President and the area has been declared safe."      

 

[StoneGiant]

[StoneGiant]

[4everontheRight]

Jimmy Carter is a Doofis!!!

[son of caesar]

if blacks were not so sensitive toward percieved slights, bush would have been more than wholly justified to walk out of that hatefest. it would appear that according to democrats, this woman died to give losers a chance to bash bush. carter is beyond loserdom, hes in a league only his dead mother would understand.

[Issaquahking]

Gee Jimmy, your remarks at a funeral service are as good as your leadership skills in dealing with terrorists.

I was in the U.S. Navy during your presidency. 444 days you didnothing for 52 U.S. Citizens. Must have been "your legacy". I do remember well the day President Ronald Reagan was sworn in! The hostage crisis ended, high interest rates went down, and didn't the nation vote him by a 49 state land slide?

Jimmuh, why don't you quit embarrassing my nation and just shut your piehole?

A real American

[INSENSITIVE GUY]

I thought most states had laws on the books regarding,"abuse of a corpse"?President Bush was the only one who gave a proper eulogy for Mrs.King and all the rest were either pandering or trashing whites.

[layman]

Jimmy Carter. Tough crowd .. tough crowd ... (tugging at necktie) ... I can't get no respect. Well, Coretta has passed on, but that doesn't mean she won't keep on voting. Audience.Applause.

[.cnI redruM]

Good gawd! The Dems are so frikking bad they can't even decently bury their own dead. In this case, Jimmy Carter just typified the pathetic trend.

A man who allows over 100 Americans to get held hostage in Iran and doesn't even care enough to even try and get them back until it hurts him in the opinion polls is a yutz! He has no right to accuse anyone else of not caring about the suffering of their fellow Americans.

[demkicker]

I want some cartoons of these black idiots who listen, applaud and support hypocritical socialist like Carter & the Clintons. I'd love to get them worked into rabid frenzies, exposing who they really are.

[.cnI redruM]

They would react with just as much violence and for just the same reasons. They, like the Muslims, believe they can inflict so-called "incoherent rage" on anyone with more wad in their wallets and not suffer any negative consequences. These "riots" are about as spontaneous as one of Donald Trump's real estate deals.

[INSENSITIVE GUY]

One thing is for sure,none of these people would have the zeal to pursue their"civil responsibilities"as they do their "civil rights".Until people learn to take responsibility for themselves,nothing will change.

[.cnI redruM]

No, the only civil responsibility getting crammed down anyone's throat these days is the tax form. The only people getting taxed are "the rich".

"The Rich" is defined as anyone with more than I have whom I would like to legally pilfer from.

[demkicker]

They would react with just as much violence and for just the same reasons.

Good! The black race only makes up about 16% of our population, and out of that 16%, I'd estimate maybe 2% are radical hating leftist.

It's time to unmask these so-called emperors who claim to speak for the entire black race, and show the world they have no clothes.

[Fenris6]

bush would have been more than wholly justified to walk out of that hatefest.

I'm glad he stayed. He's an invited guest representing the office of the President at Mrs. Kings funeral. Their political attacks on him will backfire again, just like the Wellstone "rally". Moderate voters feel that using a corpse to prop up a partisan attack is cowardly and dishonorable.

Although its sad that Mrs. King was used this way.

[finnman69]

Hey Jimmah, remember this?

Hey Jimmah, remember this?

Hey Jimmah, remember this?

[wmileo]

Bush, as President of the USA, can not just do what others can at an event of this magnitude. He did exactly what was required. This is why he (and not Al Gore or John Kerry)is President.

[Fenris6]

If Republicans were as disgraceful as Democrats:

Bush: "Corretta Scott King worked her whole life to defeat racial discrimination written into law by the Democratic Party. Her tireless struggle to overcome the Democrat Jim Crow Laws will forever be remembered."

"But what will we will all remember most is her endless perseverence. When Democrats bombed her home in Alabama, she persevered. When KKK members like Democratic Senator Robert Byrd marched in support of segregation and filibustered the Civil Rights Act, she persevered. When John and Robert Kennedy tapped her phoneline to spy on her husband, she persevered. When Jimmy Carter ran for Governor on a segregationist platform, she persevered."

[hat tip: mightysamurai]