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Just my own instinct, but the man doesn't strike me as someone who doesn't know his wife.

Fair enough. I'm kinda 50/50 on this. It seems that they aren't each other's best friend, and that is probably the biggest problem. My questions are the usual check list of how well do you know someone.

If he's confiding in us, and she's confiding in someone else (hense my 'best friend' question), then they are just roommates who are raising each other's kids.

I agree that flowers may not be the answer. Again, my cooking eggs in the morning analogy. Nothing says I love you more than an act done that brings you nothing and them everything.

And yeah, some of my best, most loving gifts have been off kilter---- A truck load of horse manure for my garden (hand dug by giver ;), a cookbook by my favorite chef, an antique piece of jewelry to fill out a set etc. The issue is knowing that person so well that you know what will bring them the greatest joy.

I'm not a football fan, but if I fell in love with someone who was, I'd try to develop a decent interest and respect their fandom ;). Same with them developing a healthy tolerance or even moderate participation in some of my activities. Nothing is a relationship/love killer like someone who hates or holds a beloved interest in contempt.

Ideally, like you said, a shared hobby or interest is needed. But it clearly needs to come from her, not her responding to what she thinks he wants. Does that make sense?

Heh... Manure is one thing we have too much of, with three horses on the place :~D

This stuff is hard to talk about with the wife, and I think he was smart not to... He's learned that the truth is, you can't approach a woman and say anything like "I know that one of our problems centers around…..Gasp, sex...." and have the conversation not hurt her right where he least wants to, her libido. Suddenly she's faced with all her own insecurities flashing before her eyes and the proof of her inadequacy, her unhappy husband.

It's a non-starter, always is. This poster is smart to know that, really.

"It seems that they aren't each other's best friend, and that is probably the biggest problem."

I think that you may be on to something. However, that ties into what our interests are. I like to talk about Politics, Christianity, and History. When I try to talk to her about these things, her eyes glaze over and then the subject gets changed. I am also guilty of this when she wants to talk about crafts, or decorating, etc. The net result has become alot of small talk, and that is not all that friends talk about.

Another aspect of friendship and talking is her talking with her Mom. She talks with her Mom at least 5 times a week. I'm not against that completely, but I know that she entrusts more with her Mom than she does me. This began innocently enough when I was in the Navy on long deployments, but it has grown into a dependence that maybe I'm jealous/confused about.

In your opinion, is that Mother/Daughter communication thing normal? It's not in my family. I have a strong feeling that if I encroach on this communication thing, I will get slapped down in a hurry.

As far as my Best Friend thing goes, I have none. I can talk with people at work about Politics, Religion, history, etc., but there isn't somebody that I confide things in. That's probably why I posted this on the internet, so that I could get some feedback.

My wife was the only person that I could confide in, but as of late, that hasn't been happening. Maybe one of the keys to revival is re-establishing some kind of real conversation.

Thanks for the insight.