Replies

<start>::=[<apology><selfabasement>,<selfabasement>]
<comma>::=","

<apology>::="I'm sorry I"<apologyverb>"your"<apologynoun>+". "
<apologyverb>::=["dirtied","soiled","ruined","destroyed","mangled","slandered"]
<apologynoun>::=["shoes","jacket","program","paper","honor","girlfriend",2<petkind>]

<selfabasement>::=[<selfabasement2>,<selfabasement2><selfabasement2>]
<selfabasement2>::=(cap)<selfabasement3>+". "
<selfabasement3>::=[<iamslime>+".  "+(cap)<pleasedonthurtme>,<iamslime>,<pleasedonthurtme>]

<pleasedonthurtme>::=[<beg>+<comma>+" ",""]+[<spareme>,<itsnotworthit>]
<beg>::=<begphrase>+[<comma>+" "+<respectful>,""]
<begphrase>::=["please","i petition you","i beg of you","pretty please","if you can show mercy"]
<respectful>::=["sir","madam","mister","lord","big guy"] 
<spareme>::=[3<dontdoit>,<nowrath>]

<dontdoit>::="do not"<wrathfulaction><wrathobject>+[<withobject>,""]
<wrathfulaction>::=["smite","destroy","strike","torch","mangle","kill"]
<wrathobject>::=["me",5<mystuff>]
<withobject>::=" with your"<withobject2>
<withobject2>::=(unq)["katana","broadsword","fearful gaze","mighty fist","squeegie","TRS-80","rolled-up newspaper"]
<mystuff>::="my"["family","computer",2<petkind>,"descendants","firstborn"["son","daughter","child"]] 
<petkind>::=["dog","cat","goldfish","ferret","llama"]

<nowrath>::=<nowrathverb>"your"<wrathadjectives><wrathtype>
<nowrathverb>::=["turn away","recant","abandon","cool"]
<wrathadjectives>::=["righteous","fearful","well-deserved","hot"]
<wrathtype>::=["wrath","anger","hate","bad attitute"]

<itsnotworthit>::="do not"[<hurtyourself>,<wastetime>]
<hurtyourself>::=<hurtverb>"your"<withobject2>"by"<hurtme>
<hurtverb>::=["harm","bruise","tarnish","damage","dirty"]
<hurtme>::=<hurtmeverb><wrathobject>
<hurtmeverb>::=["smiting","destroying","striking","mangling","killing","revenging yourself on"]
<wastetime>::=<wastetimeverb><hurtme>
<wastetimeverb>::=["waste your time","stoop to","interrupt your busy schedule by","work up a sweat"]

<iamslime>::="I am"[<lowerthan><uglything>,<uglything>]
<lowerthan>::=["smellier","uglier","more unworthy","more insignificant","lower","stupider","nothing more"]"than"
<uglything>::="a"<uglyadjectives><uglynoun>
<uglyadjectives>::=[2<uglyadjective>,<uglyadjective>+<comma>+" "+<uglyadjectives>]
<uglyadjective>::=["smelly","dirty","day-old","century-old","purple","green","rusty","polka-dotted","stinky"]
<uglynoun>::=[<uglynounsingle>,"pile of"<uglynounsingle>+"s"]
<uglynounsingle>::=["sock","rock","sneaker","gnu","beetle","doorknob",2<petkind>]

<start>::=<startrek> <startrek>::=(eatws)<startrek2> <startrek2>::=<adjective><particle>[<thingamabob>,<thingamabob><machine>,<machine>,<thingamabob2>] <adjective>::=["inverse"<adjective3>,19<adjective2>] <adjective2>::=[5"",<adjective3>] <adjective3>::=["phased","temporal",<phasic>,"holographic"] <phasic>::=["inter","multi","hyper"]+"phasic" <particle>::=["warp","antimatter",18<particleroot>+<particlesuffix>] <particleroot>::=["decion","baryon","electron","positron","proton","neutron","cordion","tachyon","ion","muon","pion"] <particlesuffix>::=[2"","ic","al"] <thingamabob>::=["field","beam","pulse","ray","radiation"] <machine>::=["generator","emitter","projector","anomaly"] <thingamabob2>::=["shield","core","container","crystal"]

<start>::=[<hundreds>,<thousands>,<millions>,<billions>,<trillions>] <comma>::="," <hundreds>::=[900<threedigit>,90<twodigit>,9<onedigit>] <onedigit>::=["one","two","three","four","five","six","seven","eight","nine"] <twodigit>::=[<teens>,8[9<tensdigit>+"-"+<onedigit>,<tensdigit>]] <teens>::=["ten","eleven","twelve","thirteen","fourteen","fifteen","sixteen","seventeen","eighteen","nineteen"] <tensdigit>::=["twenty","thirty","forty","fifty","sixty","seventy","eighty","ninety"] <threedigit>::=<onedigit>"hundred"+[99" "+<twodigit>,""] <thousands>::=<hundreds>"thousand"+[9<comma><hundreds>,""] <millions>::=<hundreds>"million"+[90<comma><thousands>,9"",<comma><hundreds>] <billions>::=<hundreds>"billion"+[90<comma><millions>,9"",<comma><thousands>] <trillions>::=<hundreds>"trillion"+[90<comma><billions>,9"",<comma><millions>]