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Congrates on the mind switch to protect you, your family and your wife's now willingness to do the same!
1st let me say I'm new here and this is my first post. That being said, let me say I'm an ex-bodyguard now from past years in the LEO arena.
Many a times I've trained, explained the use of firearms and what mostly has been said in regards to your inquiry is pretty much on par. Pretty much that is.
Briefly, the BEST of the best in 'home protection' is simple AFTER you take a NRA course in firearms safety add all else. (the instructor will most likely seperate you and your wife atleast a few spaces apart at the range)
The NUMBER ONE firearm is the 12 gauge shotgun (with ONLY the short barrel version...adding pistol grip helps)
Winchester #1300 Defender, black 'n no flash stainless steel, is a great choice and not all that costly, many aftermarket aids as well. Mossberg Mav. is a cheapo but still a good choice and a couple hundred $ less.
THEN add a Beamshot or simular LASER to the barrel, paying close but simple attention to adjusting it correctly.(reason?...simple...a powerful laser beam DOES aid you and most importantly, aids the intruder that you DO HAVE a spot on them, can keep from any further action required at times, as well helps greatly in a situation where you are in darkness (90+%of all shootings)and out of a deep sleeep,etc...works to swath the area as well.
Add to or for carry, a REAL Tac Light (Night Ops at www.BLACKHAWK.COM just came out with one that in and of itself is a less than lethal weapon AND strobes to your advantage...GLADIUS, water PROOF to 50 meters, adjustable lumens .8 to 90+ and made for the worst of treatment/abuses, more than worth the cost and well worth YOUR lives!) This tac light BTW is the absolute in new tech that will be sure to be one of the best investments you've ever made and can be found eBaying for about $200. And Surefire is already losing sales because of this weapons light/tac light.
The short barreled (ONLY!! no broom stick long for the grab puleeeeeze) 12 gauge should be fully loaded in the 8 rd mag with an order of in the use of; 00, 00, rifled slug(RF),RF,00,00,RF,RF. I personally use 2 3/4" mag loads but stress to home owners to use standard loads, far less kick up and more than enough to 'stop the unwanted action'. IF you live in closeness or have adjoining walls of drywall neighbors, kids rooms...then use #9 shot in place of the #00 buck.
This alone is THE BEST in home protection, requires little skill, aim and ongoing target skills practice as does ANY handgun firearm(s). (Target practice BTW without stress/poor light/changing light targets is nothing more than basics and like 'playing' with one's self...feels good but accomplishes nothing to little else.
POINT>> once ANY firearm is fired inside an inclosed building/room/area...the user will lose night sight (20 to 100 seconds) and will lose their hearing as well for atleast MINUTES if not hours, days and even weeks in part or whole.
Called muzzle flash and this alone will make even the best shooter lose their 'target' if even for a few seconds. And within 2 seconds the 'badguy' can travel 7 meters in that time frame...in any number of directions including yours.
So....FIRST get a short barreled 12 gauge and set it up with with the mentioned rounds and a laser. Add the Gladius as a get to fast flashlight.
Now then...yes, the Colt 45 IS the BEST proven stopper of all time and to this day is still the most proven firearm in real life use. I personally have the stainless steel Colt 45 XS (8 rd mag)model w/ 1 in the tube and always 'cocked and locked' carry mode and it is selling now for around $850.++ NIB or at 98% used. As for the "spray and pray" 9mm...well, have at 'em and many do so no offense meant.
You say your wife is small and a 45 might well be too much to wrap a good hold on so I'd say not to go that firearm.
Besides...if she and you for that matter, are 'not into guns' then by all means do not get into a semi auto which requires more care, cleaning and practice than a wheel gun/revolver.
My humble suggestion is what I've advised most often for those ladies who have a want or need to carry/use and yet are not into alot of gun handling perse.
A stainless steel Ruger SP101 revolver is the best option all around when taking into account MANY variables. It is a 5 shot +P .38 caliber and can handle even a nasty 357 magnium load as well. (REMEMBER muzzle flash!!!!)
The SP101 is price modest, can be in mud for a year and still fire at 1st trigger squeeze and requires so very little cleaning and due care. Perfect for a handbag, under the car seat and is a small frame that even the smallest of hands can sue with ease.
You and your wife can load it with standard 38 cal or go the +P loads, even try a box of 357s if so inclined.
No matter what you end up choosing...short of the SHORT barrel 12 gauge a 110% MUST HAVE....go atleast 38 caliber and no less. THINK rightly how much 'savings' is a sacrifice of a loved one's life? No need certainly for a Wilson Custom but then again...add this up ok?
Add $850.00 for a Winchester #1300 Defender with laser, laser mount...a Gladius flashlight all together. Add an SP101 for about $350.00 and you've spent $1200.00 on the equipment, boxes of ammo...add a couple of courses and all spent, rounds and all is about $1500.00 max.
A pine casket with no frills will cost 3 Xs that much...not ever to account for the lost lives of loved ones by a scum who got away, away with it or not...living the REST of your life thinking each day..."WHAT IF....".
A last note here...IF you do get home protection in the way of a firearm....keep it loaded and ready to use...ALWAYS when at home. NO trigger lock crapola, no ammo locked in the garage and firearm in the hatbox above the shoe boxes in the closet type thing. Keep the 12 gauge at bedside propped nearby and become mindset it is always there, no where else. When you leave home for ANY amount of time....hide it well unloaded, seperated ammo or take it with you.
Got kids??? Good...TEACH them as well for safe handling and let them hold and even shoot the any firearms. This will remove the naughty not nice to touch desire, most likely will make them NOT want anything to do with it, etc. TAKE THE TIME with kids to teach them properly, well and they will not be showing off to their friends, etc as so many horror stories do make.
Bottom line....IF you ever should have the any need for a firearm...you have on average 3 seconds or less to use it and use it well.
At home...add a few seconds for a dog to alert you, etc but still....the time is in seconds...not minutes to get out of a deep sleep, find the lock key, ammo and load, etc, etc to then try and protect the lives worth all this effort and expense in money, time, mindset, skills training add all. Add to the so few seconds that you will have a 90% chance that the situation calling for the use of a firearm will be in dark or near dark conditions....trying to find a key to find the firearm to then find the ammo and unlock it all and load...is a 99.99% certainty you will have long since lost the ability to protect you or anyone.
Spend the time BEFORE you really need all the time you can get and learn what and how...teach the rest of the family too in all regards and make a commitment in the beginning and not face the regrets afterwards.
Sorry for the first post preaching here...but I guess I got tired too long ago trying to help others help themselves when they had little commitment to do so.
Takes good thinking, choices and a strong commitment...otherwise...just dial 911 and hope for the best of the worst.
As you do should you do so...you will learn what happens to the human body when under dire stress of fight or flight. Tunnel vision, selective lose of hearing, colors and even pain. Time in seconds will become moments as well... lactic acid will go flowing too.
Add all this to the even most seasoned firearms 'expert' and then there's no wonder why most shots aimed, missed.
I always score mid to high 90s in 3 second from CCW drills under alternate lighting conditions add all else having been trained thruout the many years and to this day...I know when, if, I should have to take #3 badguy down...there will be a shot or more missing their aim.
Please, please, please....get a short barreled 12 gauge first and foremost.
You and your wife will more than easily be able to be handle it with good results should you ever be in the place and time where only the good results will make a life saving difference.
Sincerely, respectfully, the good Lord willing__Michael