Posted on 08/29/2005 3:12:38 PM PDT by SirLinksalot
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel, Boeing, Apple, Ford, GM, Catepillar, Oracle and Microsoft. You get WorldCom, Enron, and Walmart.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy SOBs believe you are people with higher morals.
Good luck, The Blue States
I like yours better. Smaller and has a hat.
Great job. Thanks for doing that~from all of us who couldn't.
Oh man! It was such a great day!!! I about had heat stroke ~ but it was totally worth it!!
I wish you could have seen the cars in the parking lot where we all joined up with the MAF caravan! It was was a mass of cars and pepole with flags waving everywhere!!
The employees from one of the fast food places next to the parking lot all came out and were tipping their hats to the folks gathered!!
My hubby had to run into the Wal-Mart to grab a couple of items and he said there were all kinds of folks from Waco who had just happened to come to the Wal-Mart that were buying flags to join us in the ride to Crawford!
Folks all along the way were waving, honking horns and giving THUMBS UP to us as the caravan rolled thru!
I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to be a part of such a great event!
How about we have a moratorium on reposting this tired old thing, unless the poster provides a way of sending our rebuttals to the liberal who was circulating it?
(I do so like the idea of reconstructing the seceeded Blue States, heh! heh!)
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
You are STILL here. Please leave ASAP. We want OUR country back.
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