Posted on 08/29/2005 3:12:38 PM PDT by SirLinksalot
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel, Boeing, Apple, Ford, GM, Catepillar, Oracle and Microsoft. You get WorldCom, Enron, and Walmart.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy SOBs believe you are people with higher morals.
Good luck, The Blue States
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Works for me.
How will the country that believes in gun control keep all those assetts?
assets
They can just go ahead and leave.
That's fine. Our red states will offer tax breaks to all your business' so they will move. You will have nothing but high taxes, crime, poverty and unemployment. Your cultural centers will dry up and move to be with the money. As usual, the left is ever so wrong.
As a resident of one of those northeastern blue states, I will tell you that the ravine behind my house generates an unfathomable amount of mosquitoes. You can have it.
This reminds me of the cartoons after the election showing the United States in two different blocks with the midwest and south "red" states labeled Jesusland. Honestly, this isnt too bad of an idea. We could finally get rid of all the poilitical correctness, goverment waste, high taxes, and then all the businesses would come crawling back anyway when all the enlightened "blue staters" realize low taxes are the answer
That's probably because most people living together in blue states aren't married.
And just think- a country with the values of the blue states, where promiscuity, appeasement, socialism, feel-good morality and extreme moral relativity wouldn't survive too long- it would collapse from within. Have at it!
Promises, promises! Don't let the proverbial door hit you in the proverbial you-know-where.
One of the comlibs many lies. Blue state's shack up rates are infinitely higher than red states...if you don't get married in the first there's no divorce moron. Add the single moms with single "never married" moms and you have the highest rate of fatherless children in the country. Remember that next time you hook up out of wedlock.
but you found the map I wanted before I did!
I've got a better idea. Let's do it by county. Then take all the blue county a*sholes, and shove 'em into whatever state was predominantly blue. We'll take the rest of the country.They can have the IVY League, Streisand, etc.The only thing I'd miss would be the YANKEES.
The blue staters would discover very quickly that only a fraction of their states are blue, and that most of their counties will resist.
They get to starve in the dark with no power, no communication and little protection.
Works for me!
You get Hillary and Chuck Schumer, Arlen Specter and Barbara Boxer, Maxine Waters and John Conyers. We get Jeff Sessions, Tom Coburn, Kay Bailey Hutchison, Mitch McConnell, Katherine Harris, Tom DeLay, Tom Feeney, and Tom Tancredo.
You get Al Franken. We get Laura Ingraham.
You get Barbra Streisand. We get Trisha Yearwood.
When do we start?
One more thing... will you take my brother?
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