Posted on 05/07/2005 8:43:27 PM PDT by CHARLITE
And the award for “Mother of the Year” goes to…Britney Spears! Yes, I know she’s not technically a mother yet, but the pop princess is due to pop later this fall, and I just couldn’t resist. Besides, Spears will make a terrific mom. Whether it’s a cute little boy or a beautiful baby girl, what child wouldn’t want their mom to be a slutty, seductive, sometimes lesbian, sex-pot who prostitutes herself in front of millions just to make a buck? I mean, come-on, she has PTA president written all over her. And truth be told, when looking at Spears’s character, mind-set, outlook on life, as well as her moral compass, she’s the kind of mom every child would want.
When it comes to smoking, drinking and sex, what rules will Britney and hubby Kevin Federline set for their kid? I think Britney’s 2002 People Magazine interview sums it up. “Smoking, drinking, sex – why is it such a big deal with me? As you get to 20, you grow up, you experiment…you feel more comfortable in your own skin,” Spears explained. I’m sure that’s the answer her kid will be looking for come the teenage years.
What about dating advice? What motherly wisdom will Britney bestow upon her child? Apparently, that sex before marriage is okay! Despite publicly proclaiming she would remain a virgin until marriage, Spears later revealed she slept with ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake because she believed he was “the one.” But, no need to worry Britney. Very few starry-eyed teenage girls ever think their boyfriends are “the one.” And besides, that’s assuming your little girl will even like boys. Think of her reaction when she sees the re-run of Mommy French kissing Madonna on stage during an awards show – now that’s a family memory to cherish.
What other values will this free-spirit share with her child? When it comes to commitment, Spears can describe how mommy was married once before, but that it only lasted 55 hours and was then annulled, so it didn’t count. Britney will also have to explain why Daddy has two out-of-wedlock children with another woman. When it comes to honesty, trust and sound character, Mommy can explain how that golden oldie, “Cry Me A River,” sung by Uncle Justin may or may not be about how mommy cheated on him and ruined their relationship. And then, of course, she’ll have to explain her own lyrics and videos. Can you imagine that family discussion? “Mom, why are you dancing around with hardly any clothes on and wearing a big snake around your neck.” “Mom, what do you mean, you’re not that innocent?”
But, then again, maybe Britney’s baby won’t have to ask so many questions about Mommy while growing-up. Most of Mommy’s life was recorded on television, and soon it will be recorded by Mommy and Daddy’s own cameras. The UPN Network is giving the famous couple their own reality show titled, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic; however, I would have suggested a more appropriate title like, Britney and Kevin: Psychotic. The show will encompass home movies spanning the couple’s time together. Great! That’s exactly what we need – more home movies of celebrity couples. Let’s just hope none of these home videos include Britney and Kevin romping around their bedroom in the green hue of night vision – if you know what I mean. You can just imagine that scene – shaky video and bizarre camera angles of Britney and Kevin getting it on while her song, “Hit Me Baby One More Time” plays in the background.
Yes, although Britney’s “Mother of the Year” award is based on speculation, given her predictable behavior to behave totally unpredictable, I’m sure she won’t be reading Motherhood Magazine for child rearing tips. But at least we can take some solace in knowing that only one poor child’s soul will be corrupted as result of Britney’s move into motherhood. That is until a few years from now when Britney’s husband hears her yelling from the bathroom, “Oops, we did it again!”
Time to worry if she's still doing it at Pamela Anderson's age.
Good thoughts, sad woman. Counter-culture is the way to go now. It is scary just to go to the mall and see 13 year old girls and younger dressed up like little sluts, intoxicated by the culture of death. Where are the parents?
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