Guide to Muslim Living (Funny)

"Brave Sir Blogger" Blog ^ | 2-10-05 | Brave Sir Blogger

[SmokeRing]

Harpers.com is using its Web space to re-publish past nuggets from the magazine. In a 1985 issue, Harper’s had some fun with a book released that year: “A Clarification of Questions,” by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. Therein Khomeini was nice enough to offer his answers to 3000 questions that might arise in everyday life.

I will here rename it: "All I Really Needed to Know I Learned from the Ayatollah" or "The Weekender’s Guide to an Islamo-Fascist Society." Some excerpts:

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#2,629—It is not unlawful to swallow the food that exits from between the teeth as a result of flossing if one’s nature has no aversion to it.

#64—Evacuation is unlawful in four places. First, in dead-end alleys. Second, on the property of a person who had not given his permission. Third, in a place assigned to a specific group of people, such as some schools. Fourth, over the graves of the faithful, if it would be considered disrespectful.

#2,637—It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

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I bet many Muslims in 1985 Iran were blessed with an innate sense that guided them through such circumstances. But, for those who weren’t, the Ayatollah’s book must have been indispensable.

[Larry Lucido]

"Fourth, over the graves of the faithful, if it would be considered disrespectful."

Hmm, guess I should have check with the cemetery owner.

[evolved_rage]

#2,637—It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

Loathsome yes, but not prohibited.

[tet68]

#2,637—It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

One want's to ask, what if it's Interruptus?
I mean what about if someone used a cigar in the animal,
although I suppose it would all depend on the meaning of
"is".

[pennyfarmer]

#2,637—It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

I wonder if there is a time frame where this applies like only 2 hours after the encounter or if you have to wait a whole day or something. This must have been upsetting to many of the "faithful".

[US_MilitaryRules]

Post them all! We need a good laugh!!!

[pennyfarmer]

What if you mistake your veiled wife for a donkey? What now you can't eat it. I guess you could just kill the wife and keep the donkey thats possibly the perfered choice.

[RtWngr]

#2,637—It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

he would know.

[archy]

I bet many Muslims in 1985 Iran were blessed with an innate sense that guided them through such circumstances. But, for those who weren’t, the Ayatollah’s book must have been indispensable

Thankfully, since june of 1989 the late Ayatollah Khomeni is now fully occupied with his promised virgins and unable to offer us additional assistance on how best to go about our daily lives.

[Snagglepuss]

Islam is a planetary mental disorder.
/s