This is from a different thread, but also hilarious!
mellowinman (401 posts) Sat Sep-18-04 07:06 PM
Response to Original message
26. You need to stay off the mescaline.
It won't do you any good at all. Those bats flying out of your monitor? They aren't real. Bush taking New Jersey? No more real than the bats.
Don't let a bunch of flying mammals get you, man; it's not worth it.
1. Take valium. It'll settle things down a bit
2. Drink some Orange Juice. That always helped me, back in the day. There's never a time when Vitamin C isn't a good thing
3. Put on some early Led Zeppelin. Preferably II; that's got a good feel. If you don't have II, try "Houses of the Holy." Do NOT put on anything from the eighties by ANY band. It will make things worse. Especially stay away from Huey Lewis at all costs
4. Light some candles. Candles always help. I would suggest placing yourself between a candle and a blank wall, and casting a shadow. Now look at that shadow. What animal does it look like? Try and move and think like that animal. That is your spirit animal, and it will guide you from now on
5. Get off the internet, and shut off your TV for at least another week. Na Myoho Renge Kyo. Say that over and over. Its a mantra
6. Do you have a lover? I recommend some pretty furious sex. If you don't have a lover, I recommend some fairly gentle, slow masturbation. Perhaps in the tub
7. Once it gets dark, try and get outside if you can. A nice walk on an early fall evening can do a lot to bring the spirit back into focus. If you're in the city, look for a coffee shop that isn't Starbucks. Stay away from bars
8. If the first seven don't work, take a big club, or ping pong paddle, and beat yourself over the head until you realize that another four years of Bush, although very unpleasant, will not necessarily kill us (hopefully!) We are going to work very hard to see Kerry to the White House, and give it our every effort. There is NO inevitablity to Bush getting a second term, but we've always known it COULD happen. No one should kill themselves if it does, because we don't work for the NOW, we work for the FUTURE, get it? Do you want to live forever? Well now you can, and here's how: Write a song, or a poem, or bring a child up well. Those are just some of the many methods to immortality
9. Finally, don't take hallucenagens any more. Those days are over, man. If you want to see visions, take a nice nap, and have some good dreams, or skip lunch next Tuesday. They're putting a lot of things in those drugs that can enable them to do mind control on us, man, and we don't need that, now do we? I didn't think so
Good luck on your quest. Remember:
"mellow.... mellow.... mellow...."
AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(sometimes that helps)
There is NO inevitablity to Bush getting a second term, but we've always known it COULD happen. No one should kill themselves if it does
>>>
I don't know about y'alls, but if that's how it goes down, I honestly think it may be a good thing. Mass RAT suicide on Nov. 3. I pray for the souls of these hollow, god-less, miserable people. And if they persist, just watch'em drink the Kool-aid. Their herd needs some thinning. The number of diseased has far outstripped America's ability to cope with them...
OMG.