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It's a shame that a really fascinating discussion has deteriorated into a food fight because some can't keep their emotions out of it.

I know I can't....

My ex blackmailed me for years by threatening to call the cops on me for false domestic violence... For that priviledge, I'm now allowed to pay the debts she ran up in my name that I didn't know about, and give her half of everything I managed to save (she didn't work).

There are three partners to any marriage, the man, the woman, and the state. The state is a system designed to punish a man for supposed transgressions of previous men and give rewards and succor to women in order to gain more dependents and power.

I, for one, won't play anymore. A woman who insists on a state-sanctioned marriage is in effect saying: "I love you now, but if I meet someone more fun, I want the kids and half of everything you worked for."

It's so screwed-up now, that the only way I would know that a woman actually loves me is if she doesn't insist on a legal union.

The state is the one who gives the marriage legal standing. Because of this, they feel they have the right to intervene. I'm not saying I approve of that - it's just how it is.

While some would say that maybe, then, the state should keep out of marriage, this would actually invite same-sex couples and others to cheapen the institution even further than it has already become. So the state must stay involved although I'd prefer they kept a healthy distance.

As for your unfortunate situation, stories like yours are part of the reason I'm a lifelong batchelor (and, consequently, a lifelong celibate). I'd really love to find a girl and settle into a longterm wonderful bliss-filled marriage. Some seem to find it and I am both happy for them and jealous of them. But the risks are, frankly, much greater than the perceived rewards. I've met many divorced men in your shoes. I don't envy them, even in the least.