Replies

This Bill Hicks?

BILL HICKS

God's Comic

I wish you'd known me when I was alive, I was a funny feller. The crowd would hoot and holler for more. I wore a drunk's red nose for applause. Oh yes, I was a comical priest "with a joke for the flock and a hand up your fleece." Down the cardboard front of my dirty dog-collar

"If child molestation is actually your concern, how come we don't see Bradley tanks knocking down Catholic churches?"

That'd be him, here are some more:

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

----

You're at a ball game or a concert and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious.
Are they drunk or are they smoking pot? Which is it?
They're drunk.
I have never seen people on pot get in a fight. F***ing impossible.
"Hey buddy!"
"Hey what?"
"Hey, hey ..."
End of agument

----

No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.

...Yea, that Bill Hicks, a late friend of mine, dead comics society now. Steal all of my jokes from him. It's OK, he made jokes from serious conversations we had...