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I was in that same unhappy, toxic place. I intercepted explicit photos to and from her ex.

Divorce happened. And you know what? Much happier with that result.

I had an ex who spent a lot of time "at the office" and got a surprising # of calls at home from her boss. This was in the days before caller ID was available, so I could only guess as to the number of calls based on the number I incidentally picked up. I very politely asked her if this was something I needed to know about and she lied to me and denied the matter entirely. I believed her and felt terrible for even raising the question.

We headed to divorce anyway, and I accepted a job in another state as the divorce neared finality. Movers were in the house cataloging and packing all my stuff (books for the most part) and one of the movers holds up a leather bound thin hardcover book and asks "does this go too?" There was no title and nothing on the binding, and I looked at it and realized it was her diary. She stored it behind a row of my books (!) I read it quickly and nearly fell down - it was a self-confessional about the affair she was having with her boss and her bisexual inclinations with friends and colleagues.

The night before I had read that I told her I would call off the movers and reject the job offer and stay if she was willing to consent to a stay of the divorce proceedings. She rejected that idea and I was really torn. But, the next day, reading the diary severed any sense of residual commitment I had left. It was like being shot out of a cannon on my way to a new job and a new life. Which happened to lead to meeting my wife of, now, twenty-one years, and the greatest happiness of my life.

I cannot believe that there is anything you can do to restore trust and commitment once one spouse engages in infidelity. You can fool yourself into thinking it does not matter, but then what you have at that point is not a marriage - it's an accommodation.

Same here. Stayed with her for the kids.

She cheated again. Divorced her.

I am so much happier and wealthier!

And the kids spend very little time with her.