He is also far from the demon that Lost Causers make him out to be. To hear you tell one would think that nobody had ever harmed a hair on a a single Indian's head before Lincoln came along.
A Southerner is having breakfast of coffee, grits, biscuits and jam, when a northerner, chewing obnoxiously on gum, sits down next to him. The Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Northerner..”When you Southern people eat bread, do you eat the whole slice?”
Southerner..”Yep.”
Northerner..(After blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. Up North, we only eat what’s inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle it, then transform them into biscuits and send them to the South.” The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The Southerner listens in silence. The Northerner persist..”Do you eat jam with biscuits?”
Southerner..”Yep.”
Northerner..(Cracking and smacking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) “We don’t. Up North, after we eat fruit for breakfast, we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, and transform them into jam, and then send it down South.”
Then the Southerner asks..”Y’all have sex up North?”
Northerner..”Why, of course, we do.” And he pops another big bubble. Southerner..”And what do y’all do with the condoms once ya use ‘em?”
Northerner..”We throw them away, of course.”
Southerner..”We don’t. Down South, we put them in a jar, melt them down into bubble gum, and sell them to Yankees.”