Well then, the way I see it you are distant from a land not so far in a your past on the one hand(Polish) and still suffering from the effects of being made distant in a land so dear to your heart.(Irish).
Just kidding and trying to add a levity to your passion for depression. I knew many Polish and Czechoslovakians in the 80's. Smiling one day, depressed the next. Didn't blame them really. I would have felt the same.
Anyway, try some jokes. They look cultural but you can just as easily swap any culture into the punch line or subject.
And now a word from our sponsor.
Next time you have Chinese food and get those tasty little cookies with a fortune in them, do this:
Say whatever is on fortune and at the end say "In Bed". Think about it and try a few. Say the following out loud and at the end say "In Bed":
Our first and last love...is self love.... ____________
None of the secrets of success will work unless you do..... ____________
Today is a lucky day for those who remain cheerful and optimistic..... ____________
You were born with the skill to communicate with people easily..... ____________
The first step to better times is to imagine them..... ____________
Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding your life..... ____________
It doesn't matter. Who is without a flaw?.... ____________
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life..... ____________
The secret of getting ahead is getting started..... ____________
Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before. .... ____________
Did you say "in Bed" after each line?
And now the Bonus round for the side of you that wants to be Jewish, Some actual jokes:
1. "I Was One of the Chosen People ('Til She Chose Somebody Else)"
2. "Stand by Your Mensch"
3. "I've Got My Foot On The Glass, Where Are You?"
4. "New Bottle of Whiskey, Same Old Testament"
5. "Honkey Tonk Nights on the Golan Heights"
6. "Eighteen Wheels and a Dozen Latkes"
7. "I Balanced Your Books, but You're Breaking My Heart"
8. "The Second Time She Said 'Shalom', I Knew She Meant 'Goodbye'"
9. "You're the Lox My Bagel's Been Missin'"
10."You've Been Talkin' Hebrew in Your Sleep Since that Rabbi Came to Town"
11."Mamas Don't Let Your Ungrateful Sons Grow Up to Be Cowboys (When They Could Very Easily Have Just Taken Over the Family Hardware Business that My Own Grandfather Broke His Back to Start and My Father Sweat Over for Years Which Apparently Doesn't Mean Anything Now That You're Turning Your Back on Such a Gift)"
And for the "Mc"Side:
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!
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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your plane!"
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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pre tend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts, "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says, "You know what I want, don't you ?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"
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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks, "What did you do?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"