Anyway, I saw this over at The Best Week Ever Blog and it cracked me up!
10 Things We Won’t Care About During Tonight’s American Idol Finale
10. What Jordin will be wearing during her big finale. 1 guess: Grecian gown. Next.
9. The celebrity guests in the audience. Lisa Rinna? Jennifer Aniston? Yawn. J.D. Salinger could be there with Shiloh Pitt slung in a papoose round his bod and we’ll probably be too busy playing minesweeper to blink.
8. Scatting. How many “Doo-be-doo-ba-ba-dah”’s can Blake Lewis throw into a song that isn’t the Full House theme music? The answer? Snooze many.
7. How invested Simon Cowell is in tonight’s show. He knows this is the worst finale in AI history, so he’s either going to give the blandest critiques of all time because, as well all know, his heart beats coal’s blood, or he’s going to give Jordin the biggest confidence boost in history. Either way, we’ll be sifting through our cat’s litter for fool’s gold.
6. The lyrics to the always cheesified finale number written specifically for the American Idol winner. If the songs “A Moment Like This” or “This is the Night” are any indication, tonight’s tune will probably be called “How Lucky Can a Bitch Get?” Expect Blake to sing it beautifully.
5. Ryan Seacrest’s jewel-encrusted lifts.
4. Paula Abdul on 3 times as much pain medication as before, thanks to her broken nose caused be her dog Tulip.
3. Cowell-Seacrest sexual innuendo. (Fine, we’ll be a little interested in these last two…)
2. Whether or not the perma-fake-grin hot glued to Jordin’s face will lock for eternity, or last only til the end of tomorrow night’s episode. Why don’t we also group in with this one “What color will Blake’s hair be?” to be fair, though it’s the phony-smile that peeves us to no end. Then again, we don’t care, right?
1. Who wins.