perhaps I should elaborate - in the home in which I was raised, there were exactly two breaches of the rules which generated corporal beatings: Lying, and stealing. There were few other breaches which earned lesser forms of physical discipline.
much earlier in life, only failure to instantly obey a command in a particular voice, most commonly "stop!", generated physical violence. And NOT often - my mother's backhand was a fearfully precise, memorable, and shocking implement of discipline. In those years, instant obedience to such a command is a survival necessity. Such commands were seldom issued, and never when not needed.
all other "negative consequences" were more subtle, and tailored to the personality of the child in question. but there *were* imposed negative consequences for inadequate performance or incorrect behavior, all designed to instill inhibition from that behavior out of fear of repetition of the consequence.
This is appropriate, and I am at a loss to see how a child, born without a conscience or any kind of sense, can be trained up from the native "like-don't like" paradigm into the "right-wrong" paradigm.
"...I am at a loss to see how a child, born without a conscience or any kind of sense, can be trained up from the native "like-don't like" paradigm into the "right-wrong" paradigm...."
Check your premise. Kids are born with the sense to want to please and be accepted by their parents.
That is why the overwhelming majority of kids, even abused ones, love and justify their parents.
It's also why I rarely argue the point. I have almost never had anyone say to me: "You were able to raise great kids without causing them pain and humiliation. That's great, can you give me some ideas?" The ususal is either "You're lying," or "You wre lucky."
This tells me there is an emotional attachment to the position, not a rational one. Arguing only causes futher entrenchment and justification.
BTW, I'm trying not to cut and run on this, but I've had some computer problems and have a small mountain of unfinished stuff to get done. Spent much of the day on the phone with tech support. Responses will continue tobe slow, if any.