Your questions are reasonable, my friend. And there are no easy answers to them. This is probably the darkest night of the Church's 2,000 year history. Her worst enemies are within her at this time. To me, that's what hurts the most. Be a good friend and pray for us.
The prayers of the faithful are always answered (even if it doesn't seem so, at the time). I know Ezekial has a few things to say about those who feed themselves, instead of the flock - and those who would lead the flock astray. Keep focused on the light and the darkness will soon pass.