Free Republic
Browse · Search
Smoky Backroom
Topics · Post Article

To: Darkchylde
It's concise and to the point, with adequate characterization and a bang-up finish!

My daughter would produce a thousand words of dialogue and description, and the couple would still be having cocktails. I read her stories and say, "Would you just kill somebody, already?"

38,830 posted on 11/07/2004 6:26:40 PM PST by Tax-chick (First we had all the money, then we got all the votes, now we have all the fun!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38824 | View Replies ]


To: Tax-chick; Darksheare

I wrote another one, it's different from the hammer death
though. It's called "The Tyrant of South Graknia". It was
created during an AIM conversation with my brother. He's
off to bed now, but he could help explain it tommorrow, I
suppose. The one thing I don't have in the story would be
the portal. That's how the magazines end up in South Graknia.
I just can't think of a way to present that... without ruining the intro.

The Tyrant of South Graknia
By Darkchylde

he was sitting in the corner, drooling on the pages of a discarded
"earth creature" magazine. those lower beings who resembled us
were always giving us their "magazines" as they were called....
he was deeply enthralled by the curves of the licentious
"Britney Spears" when the captain of the guard interrupted his party
of one. he immediately leapt to his feet & began shouting obscenities
about the evil "earth creatures" & their vile "magazines". the captain
of the guard stood still. "did you see anything?!" he asked his officer in
a paranoid, frenzied fashion. "No, sir! I didn't see you looking at that
Spears girl again!" he eyed his officer suspiciously for a few tense
minutes, then satisfied by the belief his secret was secure, (the captain
would say nothing lest he face losing his job, or worse) he asked for the
latest news of the troops. "they could fare better sir" was the captain's
cautious reply. "Oh, how so?" asked his lordship. "well, sir..." the captain
was rather hesitant to present the request of his soldiers.
"yes, captain?!" his lordship was never a very patient man
& the captain's hesitant attitude erked
him, even gave him an uneasy feeling.
"Well, sir, actually the men were wanting to borrow a few of your
"magazines". You know, for morale" the captain instantly regretted
mentioning those magazines again. he was disintegrated by his lordship
before he could even scream. He proceeded to open the door, allowing
the maid to sweep up the "dishonorably discharged" captain. Now he
would have to search out the troops for a new captain. No matter where
they were hiding, he would find them. One man would be promoted, whether
he wanted to be or not.


38,867 posted on 11/07/2004 6:51:22 PM PST by Darkchylde (Resistentialism - seemingly spiteful behavior manifested by inanimate objects)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38830 | View Replies ]

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Smoky Backroom
Topics · Post Article


FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson