Posted on 08/14/2015 7:48:39 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
I’ve been down that road too many times to count. I’ve found that there are a few ‘triggers’ for that hopeless feeling that makes me want to quit.
1) Sickness, fatigue, and hormones. When you’re physically down, your entire system isn’t functioning properly. That includes your brain.
2) Medication issues. There are two medications that set me off. One was Prozac. I was prescribed this drug for minor anxiety and three days later, I wanted nothing more than to die. The second was Synthroid. That took longer to figure out and ended with a complete nervous breakdown. (My mother became suicidal as one symptom of Grave’s disease. That goes back to the whole ‘hormone and health’ thing)
3) Finally, circumstances. I’ve gone through some pretty hopeless situations in my life. Had times when it seemed that there was no light at the end of the tunnel. But I’ve always made it through. Always. During low times I remind myself that everything changes. Both the good AND the bad. I try to keep my feet on the ground, look around me, and remind myself that I’ve survived worse messes.
So here’s my advice to you, dear. Go through your meds and see if any of them have depression or suicidal thoughts as a side effect. You may be surprised.
Get a check-up. Have your hormones checked. Esp thyroid and cortisol.
I have been diagnosed with AF and I do take adrenal support. It’s not a magic bullet, but it does help.
SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP, *SLEEP*!!!
Get plenty of rest and eat as ‘clean’ as possible. Veggies, meat, and fat. I don’t know anything about your general state of health, so I can’t recommend if you should up or lower the carbs.
And finally, endure. Deal with what you *can* deal with. Ask for help. Ignore the things that you have no power or control over. Perhaps look for alternatives to trying to fix or hold onto a situation that’s out of your control. (Bankruptcy can offer sweet, sweet relief) As for the house... screw the house. It’s a piece of construction. Not a human life. See if anyone can help you with the wall. If not, walk away from it and find another place to live.
Get a grip. It’s wood and plaster. Hardly worth dying over.
I can’t tell you to focus on the positives. I can’t remind you that there are people who need and love you. I can’t say any of those things because I understand your state of mind. You’re past the point of bawling depression and into the rationalization phase.
Been there. Done that.
I was an idiot in that phase and you’re being an idiot, too. No, your family is not better off without you.
Yes, you do have something to offer the world and honestly, it’s a little arrogant of you to believe that you are supposed to offer the world anything more than kindness and love. Screw ‘the world’ and make somebody a sandwich. Give somebody a hug. Listen to somebody who needs to cry. Focus on the people directly in front of you.
And focus on that dog that loves, trusts, and needs you. You’d be an ass to abandon that animal.
You’d be an ass to abandon your sick husband. No. You aren’t allowed to take the easy way out and leave him alone and hurt to clean up the mess. Today you’re going to tell him how much you love him and promise to stand (or crawl, as the case may be) beside him no matter what. You’re going to take a serious reality check and realize that your situation isn’t the worst in the world and that your feelings are probably more biochemical than based on anything going on around you. It has to be because nobody is stupid enough to consider suicide over a sick mate, employment issues, and a stupid wall.
Now I really hope that I irritated you. I actually hope that I’ve pissed you off. I want you to get pissed because pissed is so much better than despair. Constructive rage (Not the lamp throwing kind. The kind where you get incensed and think ‘how dare that b*tch! She doesn’t know me!’) has pushed me through some very dark times.
I’ll happily be your b*tch.
FReep me if you need another kick in the rear. Yeah, I’ll whip a downed horse if necessary to keep it on its feet.
Now hate me and check your damn meds. Step ONE.
Make an appt to see a freaking doctor. Step TWO.
Eat something healthy and take a multi-vitamin. Step THREE.
Take care of your husband. Love him up. Promise to stand with him through the dark times. Give him some freaking reassurance. For the love of G-d, the man needs you right now. Step FOUR.
And tonight, you’re going to cuddle and brush the hell out of that animal and promise to be the best mama that you can be. For both of you. Step FIVE.
And stop stressing over tomorrow. It’ll come whether you do or not so it’s not worth worrying about over the weekend.
Your thread gave God a chance to use my memory of His word to put together an idea.
I had written things down and wanted to direct you to Elijah. His story is in I Kings 17-21. Elijah, the greatest prophet IMHO, asked God to take his life. Elijah, NEVER DIED. He was taken into heaven by a flaming chariot. I never got the connection until your thread. I laughed when I thought of it.
This is a wonderful thread. So many people responding with kindness, compassion, and advice. I’m sure it has blessed dear Julie, and probably others, as well.
God is good.
Life is precious.
People can be beautiful.
Get up and take Ellie for a walk, every day. Anytime you feel this way. It will help release endorphins, and the world is a beautiful place. See your doctor too, but walking will help immediately.
How about I relate a conversation that was had with a bunch of Marines from 2nd AMTRAC Bn some years ago. We had a Navy psychiatrist who came out to have a talk about suicide. The following is a bit indelicate but it is what was presented and was memorable.
Suicide is the only event that one can undertake that you tell your loved ones, your husband, your wife, your children, your friends, those that love you most fuck you, I don't care about you!
And it is the last thing that they will remember of you.
Get help where and when you can, you are needed.
Thank you, Marie!! :) I am printing out your post and reading it in full. I hope maybe someday we can meet.
You are a special person and thank you for taking the time to post on this thread. :)
xo to you and yours,
Julie
Wow, I will check that out... Thank you!! :)
God does work in mysterious ways. :)
This is a wonderful thread. So many people responding with kindness, compassion, and advice. I’m sure it has blessed dear Julie, and probably others, as well.
God is good.
Life is precious.
People can be beautiful.
__________________________________________
And they truly are... Thank you all so much! God bless everyone..
I feel like little Timmy in the Christmas Carol. :) God surely sent us such a wonderful Blessing, and I will always believe that. this thread, and so many others, is proof.
For example, when someone dies or is sick (most recently, former President Jimmy Carter)... nearly everyone responds with grace and kindness.
People are good and beautiful; they are made in God’s image, so how could they not be?
I will do my best to reply to everyone else tomorrow. Thank you all so much. :)
LOL that was a big “NO” from a loving Father.
Sending you ((hugs)) and lifting prayers for your well-being, on this fine Lord’s Day :)
Off-topic ping, proud American in Canada asking.
I have praying for you since this thread started.
My beloved husband took his own life four years ago, and I have not gotten over it yet.
I guess he did not realize how much he was loved.
You, too, are loved. Remember that.
Your children will never be right again if you do. So don’t.
This will do tremendous damge to your family
SunkenCiv, pinged me here, I saw this thread the other day/night, Just seemed so depressing, so I didn’t even read it. I have felt all this before, to the EXTREME.
I’ve lived with a cutter, I can relate. I do so wish I could help, beyond a deep song.
This song is unbelievable in it’s Depth.
Cutter James McMurtry
Call your doctor right away. If you are on melds that are severe enough to keep you from driving, I promise you THAT is what is causing this.
I’ve been depressed to a similar point. Meds are wonderful, but they can cause some real confusion and worsen your depression.
You were not put on this earth to bail out. You have much to do, and many want to share your life.
Call someone, anyone. Be honest. Tell them the truth. Get out of that house. Stop being alone. Reach out in person, you will be shocked at how many people care and WANT to help.
You are not alone, and you cab beat this. I did. Anyone can.
Phone the local crisis suicide line. Talk to them and follow their advise. Talk to your Dr. too.
As others here have already said, you have family that love you and that is everything.
Your troubles are all fixable, get help and let others take the pressure off you, and give it time to get fixed. Talk to your family about your feelings.
Do you have Jesus Christ? Are you born again? See my about page.
There is nothing good that will come of it and it will cause immense pain to those you care about. If you’re not a person of faith, perhaps it’s time to think about it. You can always contact a local church and speak to a pastor in addition to seeking assistance from a professional. You’re life may not feel like it’s worth much to you at times, but I assure you that it’s worth more than anything any of us can imagine. My prayers are with you.
It will ruin their lives.
They will always, for the remainder of their lives feel guilty, as well as wonder if they did something wrong, then wonder if they had only done things (whatever, fill in the blanks,) differently then the outcome would have been different and they would still have their mother. They will never get over it. Never.
Turn off the electricity and walk away from the house. Abandon it. Rent a nice clean apartment for the interim while your husband recovers, and together you can make decisions about the house, and future.
Don't leave your husband and children with a mess to clean up. You are in a better position to 'fix' things than any of them.
Use a taxi until you have a drivers license.
Consult a doctor asap. You need help and medication.
I wish you well.
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