Ethanol. The black atoms are carbon, the white are hydrogen, the red is oxygen.
People (including me) seem to expend a ridiculous amount of time, money, and emotion over this simple little molecule.
Posted on 07/04/2014 9:02:19 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
ÈThis is going to sound harsh, but you need to start cutting ties with the people around you who aren’t letting you change yourself into a better person. Alcoholics who want to genuinely get better, or if you want to change a general habit, you have to restructure your life and end up changing your life around.
That includes removing people from your life who sabotage you or try to down your efforts to better yourself. Hard, but in the end, you’ll see how easier your life is. These downers are just baggage and just a problem in your life. They are in fact, part of the problem and will remain so.
That they aren’t encouraging you to better yourself is a huge red flag and something that you need to think long and hard over. They’ll keep you from making your life better.È
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You are right. It’s not harsh... it’s reality.
Do I choose life and my liver, or .... but removing my husband is tough.
He’s just really strange; he claims to want me to be healthy, yet he criticizes me and makes me feel small at every opportunity.
Anyway, I need to adhere to my previous post. I have to get to bed, but then I see people like you who take the time to respond, and I want to do the same.
Take care.... J.
You’re not the “bad one” it has just become a bad mix. People change. Bet you are not the same person you were 10 years ago. I’m definitely not. Please realize, no one is at fault. Some couples are meant to last forever, some are meant to connect and move on. Even if you are meant to be together, a separation to think things out will do you both good. Prayers up for you!
Please read your private email and follow the suggestions. You have all the help you need now. There is a hope and a vision for you to be joyful, happy and free. Try it. God bless,
FE
ping
Thanks, Jenny! :) God bless to you and yours. :)
Thank you so much. There are so many kind people here.
May God bless you and yours,
Julie. :)
There's your answer in your own words. You have an entire world out there very capable of making you feel small. Your true friends are the people who make you feel big. Good luck!
I think they have one, it's the 12 steps on how to be annoying, announcing yourself some kind of martyr to alcohol, and otherwise making everyone around them uncomfortable every time you go out anywhere with them when they make a huge point of ordering a soda instead of beer. No one cares what these people consume, but good grief do we all have to hear about it? If you're not gonna drink some wine or whatever, just don't order it and shut the hell up.
We had one of these at work, and the employee’s involvement in it was very disruptive. We had an out-of-town company-wide retreat, and this employee insisted that he/she had to find an AA meeting in the area, even demanded that transportation be provided by the company. Needless to say, he/she did miss several mandatory meet ups. It eventually was a career ender at our company
The sad thing that I have observed is that many/most of the people I know who joined AA and groups like it are not having problems in life because of booze or drugs, they are having problems because they are irresponsible, lazy, spiteful, envious, regretful of life choices, etc. Alcohol was how they dealt with their own failures. Take away the alcohol and the underlying issues not only still exist, they often become more pronounced.
As in my previous example of the girl who joined AA (which very much felt like a cult when she'd ramble on about it) and continued losing jobs and otherwise being a human disaster area. Quitting booze did nothing for her except to fool her into thinking that was her problem. It allowed her to blame booze for all the real issues she needed to change about her life. The whole thing was a total failure, and I am happy to say she is drinking again on a casual basis and is trying to be a more stable person by correcting some of the other glaring flaws that were holding her back. She's doing better.
This is not to say there aren't real addicts out there who need help from group therapy, it's just that most aren't truly addicted - they are simply irresponsible. AA won't fix that.
Though I've not had a problem with alcohol (I have had father, sister, brother ex-husband and other family members and other dear friends with alcohol and pill addictions) I have had problems with depression as a result of growing up in an alcoholic family.
I care about anyone caught up in a web of addiction as it is an entire family problem and needs to be treated as such.
Your description of your family life and how your drinking adds to life issues, doesn't sound hard core - yet. I say yet because without help, it will become hard core and totally unmanageable.
Open up your phone book or go online and find a local AA and find a way to get to a meeting. If that doesn't work or the folks there aren't a good fit, check out various churches that hold support groups for various addictions and other kinds of support groups and find a way to go.
You must get involved in "tough love" support, where people won't support your addiction but will hold you accountable.
Next, find a good doctor, have a physical and speak with a health professional about whether you suffer from chronic low grade depression or not. If so, think about getting some medicine.
I read another comment where someone mentioned giving up on the term "trying to quit" or some such term. That's correct, you must give up on the idea that you are "trying to" anything. Either you continue drinking out of control periodically or you quit. It's as simple as that!
Easy, of course not, but what you have is deadly and it's no laughing matter. Either you quit or you will spiral out of control until you wind up dead.
Life is wonderful without booze or drugs and it can be again for you.
You have issued a real cry for help and I'd like to offer you as much as I can, from where I am as I know how dark your future must be looking at it where you are.
You may contact me under the "mail" section and I can speak more intimately about what you might need. Regardless, there are many of us here that have dealt with addiction problems, either ourselves or our loved ones and would like nothing better than to befriend you and help you find your way out of the trap you're in.
May God bless you. He is the Ultimate Healer!
not necessarily. that is way too simplistic.
if they were hypoglycemic you’d think they’d all be drinking cokes, pepsis, mountain dews or jolt colas. hell of a lot cheaper than booze. and the body would feel better b/c of the sugar.
that ain’t the reason.
Wish I had some solid advice but it looks like you are getting some help on the thread
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That is for sure! :) People are so kind.
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And for heaven’s sake, pay no mind to the wandering jerks with their lousy opinions.
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LOL!
What would FR be without them! ;)
Thank you, warsaw44... I’ll have to chat with you some time.
My Dad is Czech and our family used to send boxes of food and sundries back ‘home’...until, during WWII, they asked for tennis balls, and my Grandfather, 100% Czech, who spoke Polish, said, ‘if they want tennis balls, and have time to play tennis, why in the ***** are we sending care packages to them!’
Eastern Europeans must stick together. :)
Yeah, I’ve been there; I am not divorced and never married, but thing is, that I’ve begun cutting people out.
AA worked for me. The key is let go and let God, attend meetings everyday for 6 months and get ride of the old people, places and playthings.
Scum
Julie, you are brave to post your story here. Most Freepers are decent and loving but there are too many jerks and you know that, so I applaud and admire you for doing this.
Skimming the replies I see good advise about AA. Please do DO that ASAP. AA people are among the kindest and most understanding people on Earth. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about going, if you do. Other people there understand COMPLETELY and will listen and help but YOU have to let them. Please, please let them.
I know your heartache. I got married with highest of hopes on 8/11/2001. One month later our world broke apart. Lost jobs, savings. Had to move away from home and wound up in devastating straights... I spent too much time with a glass in my hand, drowning the sorrows and getting numb. I have managed by the Grace of God to get it under control - but after Barry was elected in 2008 I knew why Russians drank vodka, and I joined them, night after night. I understand. I understand what you’re going through. I know what you are feeling.
Julie I will pray for you. In Jesus’ name I lift you up in prayer to our most Glorious Father in Heaven, to either take away the desire and need to drink; or that He will send you to the right place to get help. Believe He will do it!
From one imperfect, 50-something Freeper to another, from my heart to yours, you are loved. We love you, I love you.
Please find AA and start your healing journey today, right now, this minute. Determine in your heart that you will do this and then DO THIS! Don’t let any reason or excuse stop you. Don’t let your husband shame you. You must get well before you can take care of anything else - you know this.
In Jesus’ name, Julie, please take care of yourself.
Exhausting yourself with exercise is another hiding place. Granted, a better one than drinking, but still a hiding place.
The key is finding out what you are hiding from. And then figuring out how/if that thing is something that can be alleviated.
That is not a journey many can make on their own. You need to have help on this road. If the people in your life are not willing or able (or worse yet, have a desire to see you remain broken), then you need to reach out to someone new.
Ethanol. The black atoms are carbon, the white are hydrogen, the red is oxygen.
People (including me) seem to expend a ridiculous amount of time, money, and emotion over this simple little molecule.
I just wanted you to know that I will be thinking of you and praying as you start this journey. Know that you have people cheering for you!
Also, stop beating yourself up over alcoholism and any other lapses and failings. You are not being fair and honest with yourself. We are all weak and flawed creatures in a broken and fallen world. EVERYONE struggles and fails. EVERYONE. We are not required to be perfect, only to keep trying, which you plainly are doing.
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