Because there are no mosques in Venice, The Italian Government has allowed Muslims to pray in the streets.
So far 543 have drowned.
GOD BLESS THE ITALIANS!
I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a “Remember 9-11” slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, “Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America” and took off before the light changed.
Out of no where an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Man....that could have been me!”
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
“RETARDED” GRANDPARENTS
Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box that has wheels, but its strapped to the ground. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don’t know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all just jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
PRICELESS
Forward to all your “retarded grandparent” friends. Or just your “retarded” friends.
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track".
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there" answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then" Tom continued "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box".
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case" Tom argued "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalised?" "Oh well" said Tom "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash!"
A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says "Who is this?" "This is the maid" answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house".
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Umm... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband".
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with". The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What?! There's no pool here?"
Long pause... "Uh... is this 922-1181?"