Posted on 09/14/2012 5:45:57 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Top 40!!!!
Well, the first one was. :)
NO NURSING HOME FOR ME
No nursing home for me. I’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!
With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day,
there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.
I’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount,
it’s $59.23 per night.
Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.
That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want,
or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and
washer-dryer, etc.
Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
$5 worth of tips a day you’ll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
There’s a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and
eat at one of the nice restaurants there.
While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise,
the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes.
Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you’re not stuck in one place forever — you can move from Inn to Inn,
or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii ? They have Holiday Inn there too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced?
No problem.. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service.
The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they’ll call an ambulance . . .
or the undertaker.
If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip,
and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family.
They will always be glad to find you,
and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.
The grandkids can use the pool.
What more could I ask for?
So, when I reach that golden age, I’ll face it with a grin.
AIDS WARNING!
To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50
and past, this is especially for you......
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
Most of all MONETARY AID to their kids.
And can’t forget HIV (Hair is Vanishing)
I cannot wait until he knows personally the frustration of losing his job. Can't happen soon enough.
As Ronald Reagan said, “A recession is when your neighbor loses his job, a depression is when you lose your job, and a recovery is when the President loses his”.
Or at least, I seem to think he said that.
AND, they have a frequent stay rewards program so that will pay for free nights now and again. I think you are on to something, Socky !
Lucky, you outdid yourself with your mastery today.....Bravo.
That was the best ten minutes I’ve spent since my first teenage organism.......
"That's dethspiccable!"
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