Posted on 08/01/2011 2:29:55 AM PDT by JustAmy
There is parenting, and then there is Georgia parenting. Police have arrested a Georgia woman who they say forced her son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer as punishment for earning a bad grade.
Meriwether County sheriff said that the 12-year-old boy told his teacher about the killing. The teacher reported it to the Division of Family and Child Services, who contacted police.
The pet’s death allegedly took place at the family’s Warm Springs home.
Police said the 38-year-old mother faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.
There is no word on whether the 12-year-old’s grades improved, however the family cat is nervously awaiting the results of the child’s next math quiz.
Baseball
Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day.
Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.”
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol ... Sol ...”
Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”
“Yes, it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”
“Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.
Abe says, “Well... there is baseball in heaven.”
Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?”
Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”
Thank you bert
You are right as always, thank you.
LOL Yes it can.
Beautiful little duck.
Interesting Pets
A man is driving down the highway and passes a state motorcycle officer.
The officer notices the man and also sees that he has 4 penguins in the backseat of the car. The officer chases down the car and pulls the man over, and after a short inspection of the vehicle says to the driver “what are you doing with 4 penguins in your car?”
To which the man replies “Just taking them for a ride officer.”
Visibly upset, the cop instructs the man to take the penguins to the zoo.
The next day the same man is driving down the same highway and is spotted by the same motorcycle cop. Again the cop gives chase and pulls the car over and upon inspection sees the same 4 penguins in the backseat only this time the penguins are wearing bright colored swim trunks and sun glasses.
The cop, really ticked off this time, says, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday”
The man smiles and replies, “I did! They liked that so much that today I decided to take them to the beach!”
More Baseball Humor
Jimmy Piersall, on how to diaper a baby:
“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond, with you at bat.
Then, fold second-base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound.
Put first-base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.
Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call-the-game and start all over again.”
More Baseball Humor
Jimmy Piersall, on how to diaper a baby:
“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond, with you at bat.
Then, fold second-base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound.
Put first-base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.
Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call-the-game and start all over again.”
Classes for Men:
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Fireman
Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town’s fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, “Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out.”
The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” Felix replied in astonishment. “People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?”
“Well,” said the chief, “the first thing I ask is, ‘Is it on fire?’”
To Do List
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.
I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.”
A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.”
Then my boyfriend joined in with: “Buy Tom a Jeep.”
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: “Wean kids.”
The first newspaper was the Acta diurna, instituted by Julius Caesar and posted daily in public places.
No Longer Confused
I became confused when I heard the word “Service “ used with these agencies:
Internal Revenue ‘Service’
U.S. Postal ‘Service’
Telephone ‘Service’
Cable TV ‘Service’
Civil ‘Service’
State, City, County & Public ‘Service’
Customer ‘Service’
This is not what I thought ‘Service’ meant.
But today , I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ‘ Service’ a few cows.
BAM !!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.
“If women have excessive belly fat and a muffin-top, it can be fatal. Especially if you mention it to her.” -Jay Leno
“More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that’s because the three stooges are more likely to get something done.” -David Letterman
Love it!
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