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Graffiti From the Walls of Pompeii
from Christy’s Garden of History
http://www.smokylake.com/Christy/graffiti.htm

The following is graffiti from the walls of Pompeii. I found them in Jo-Ann Shelton’s book “As the Romans Did.” It is, btw, a truly wonderful book I would recommend to anyone. Anyway, enjoy the graffiti. Life never really changes, does it?

Aufidius was here.

Gaius Pomidius Dipilus was here on October 3.

Successus was here.

Publius Comicius Restitutus stood here with his brother.

Aemilius Celer lives here.

A benevolent god dwells here in this house.

Burglar, watch out!

This is no place for idlers. On your way, loafer.

Ampliatus Pedania is a thief.

Albanus is a bugger.

Stronnius is a know-nothing.

I don’t want to sell my husband.

Gaius Julius Primigenius was here. Why are you late?

Let anyone who invites me to dinner prosper.

I have a head cold.

On April 19 I baked bread.

We were here, two dear friends, comrads forever. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.

Epaphra is not a ball-player.

Learn this well: While I am alive, you are my enemy, Death.

When you are dead, you are nothing.

Marcus loves Spendusa.

Serena hates Isidore.

Thyas, don’t love Fortunatus.

Sarra, you’re not acting very nicely, leave me alone.

Restitutus has decieved many girls many times.

I have screwed many girls here.

When I came here, I screwed. Then I returned home.

Let him who loves prosper. Let him who loves not, perish. And let him who forbids others to love, perish twice over.

Let him who chastises lovers try to fetter the winds and block the endless flow of water from a spring.

Lovers, like bees, lead a honey-sweet life.

I am amazed, o wall, that you have not collapsed and fallen, since you must bear the tedious stupidities of so many scrawlers.

The fruit sellers ask you to elect Marcus Holconius Priscus as aedile.

The mule drivers ask you to elect Gaius Julius polybius as duovir.

All the goldsmiths urge you to elect Gauis Cuspius Pansa as aedile.

* an aedile is the city magistrate who had the superintendence of public buildings and stuff.

** duovirs were the two men elected annually to be the highest public officials in town.

[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
Centurion: What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
Brian: It says, "Romans go home. "
Centurion: No it doesn't ! What's the latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on !
Brian: Er, "Romanus" !
Centurion: Vocative plural of "Romanus" is?
Brian: Er, er, "Romani" !
Centurion: [Writes "Romani" over Brian's graffiti] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go" !
Brian: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
Centurion: So, "eunt" is...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion: But, "Romans, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
[He twists Brian's ear]
Brian: Aaagh ! The imperative !
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: Aaaagh ! Er, er, "i" !
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aaaaagh ! Plural, plural, er, "ite" !
Centurion: [Writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
Brian: Dative !
[the Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
Brian: Aaagh ! Not the dative, not the dative ! Er, er, accusative, "Domum" !
Centurion: But "Domus" takes the locative, which is...?
Brian: Er, "Domum" !
Centurion: [Writes "Domum"] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: Hail Caesar ! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.