OORAH! It's the Official Friday Silliness Thread

Defenselink.mil ^ | 11-10-06 | Sully777

[monkapotamus]

[JJR RNCH]

[EX52D]

Amen!

[fredhead]

Here's a silly Marine...

[Lucky9teen]

Thought Provoking "Any Party" Election Humor

By CheyenneMontana - November 1, 2006 - 7:09am
With the upcoming election I thought this would be worth sharing for those who haven't seen it.

While walking down the street one day a US Senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from Higher Up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning......today you voted."

[fredhead]

My Dad used o enjoy getting a rise out of my uncle, who was a Marine officer, with this statement:

"The Marines are the Navy's police force."

Happy Birthday to all you jarheads out there (from a retired sailor). Thanks for guarding our gates.

[Lucky9teen]

Proper Definition of Marine Rank

General
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives policy to God.

Colonel
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks with God.

Lieutenant Colonel
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding B.B.
Walks on water in indoor swimmimg pools.
Talks with God if special request chit is approved.

Major
Barely clears quonset huts.
Loses tug of war with locomotive.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain
Makes high marks when trying to leap building.
Is run over by locomotives.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Dog paddles.
Talks to animals.

First Lieutenant
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.
Is NOT issued ammunition.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of Mae West.
Talks to walls.

Second Lieutenant
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings.
Says: "Look at the choo-choo."
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.

Sergeant (any)
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance. BECAUSE...
HE IS GOD!!!

[Lucky9teen]

Murphy's Laws of Combat 1. Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms. 2. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. 3. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. 4. The problem with taking the easy way out, is that the enemy has already mined it. 5. The buddy system is essential to your survival. � It gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. 6. Never draw fire -- it irritates everyone around you. 7. No combat ready unit ever passed an inspection. 8. No inspection ready unit ever passed combat. 9. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. 10. Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up. 11. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed towards you. 12. All five second grenade fuses are three seconds, or all five second fuses will burn out in three. 13. If it flies, it dies. 14. Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue. 15. Peace is our profession -- mass murder's just a hobby. 16. Killing for peace if like whoring for virginity. 17. There's always a way. 18. It's not the one with your name on it -- it's the round addressed "to whom it may concern" ya gotta think about. 19. If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation. 20. If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together. 21. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 22. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you. 23. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map. 24. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. 25. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. 26. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss. 27. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. 28. You'll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them

[Lucky9teen]

Try this again...dagnabit...

Murphy's Laws of Combat

1. Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms.

2. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

3. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

4. The problem with taking the easy way out, is that the enemy has already mined it.

5. The buddy system is essential to your survival. � It gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

6. Never draw fire -- it irritates everyone around you.

7. No combat ready unit ever passed an inspection.

8. No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.

9. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

10. Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up.

11. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.

12. All five second grenade fuses are three seconds, or all five second fuses will burn out in three.

13. If it flies, it dies.

14. Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

15. Peace is our profession -- mass murder's just a hobby.

16. Killing for peace if like whoring for virginity.

17. There's always a way.

18. It's not the one with your name on it -- it's the round addressed "to whom it may concern" ya gotta think about.

19. If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

20. If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.

21. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

22. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

23. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

24. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

25. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

26. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

27. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

28. You'll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them

[sully777]

Good day Fredhead!

[sully777]

[sully777]

Hey JJR. Have you heard of the study that found people that remain awake 24 hours have the same disorientation as one that is drunk? The conclusion is that a person should take a nap or they will go to work with a lampshade on their head... at least that's what I read into it.

[BJClinton]

Okay, so they're shooting a music video in a jacuzzi and someone gets really relaxed.

http://www.filecabi.net/video/takelong10.html

[sully777]

LOL

[sully777]

[Lucky9teen]

[sully777]

Click the Pic Real Men of Genius: Mr. Really Really Bad Dancer

[sully777]

[JJR RNCH]

You spend too much time in the check out lane!!

[JJR RNCH]

Anyone hungry? Going to pick up lunch. See ya in a while.