It was difficult finding what the problem was as her parents were already doing what is advised parents with a Asperger child. Plus she had two sisters she would copy to ‘fit in’. Additionally she knew something wasn't quite ‘normal’ about herself so she developed coping ways to hide what she wasn't able to do....
.....Example: Tying shoe laces was a issue for her so she tucked her shoe laces simply telling others she preferred that ‘style’ thus making it appear it was a preference rather than a problem.
It wasn't until she was pre-teen her parents no longer were satisfied with the schools idea that she was a ‘late bloomer’ or simply needed coaching for speech. They had her assessed by professionals. Then everything made sense that was questionable prior.
Today she's a young lady working and has her own apartment - though driving has escaped her as she is fearful of that. (Her sister had two accidents neither was she to blame which likely is the reason she is so hesitant to even try.)
Additionally she knew something wasn’t quite ‘normal’ about herself so she developed coping ways to hide what she wasn’t able to do....
Social masking is a method of adaptation. One puts on an invisible mask to try to be like neuro-typicals. Essentially, it is pretending and it requires much effort and is mentally exhausting. In the end, the aspie is drained and let down with the social time spent, because they internally know that they have to work hard to be like others.
To your family member, i also wish the very best and as suggested to another freeper, maybe share the comments in this thread about this topic. Her ability to see that she isn’t alone and isn’t dysfunctional may help and encourage her. Keep her focus and find a job that requires organization and acute problem solving skills...she’ll EXCEL.
My tag line makes more sense this morning lol?