“...but is avoiding conflict what we really should be doing? “
My former neighbor was a stalker. He was a continuously triggered crazy*. Responding to one of his hysterical calls regarding his crazy, dangerous neighbor (me) the deputy said, “I know what he’s doing is annoying, dangerous and he’s scaring you. But if you respond in any way, I’m arresting you.”
I can’t remember if there were two or three lawsuits, which I won. But about the above statement my attorney said, “Law enforcement isn’t about what’s right or wrong they just want whatever is going on to stop. They understand that he’s crazy. They can’t deal with him. But they also understand that you aren’t crazy, and you do fear getting arrested. They will always default to arresting the sane guy. I’ve seen it several times.”
* One day I was at work and somebody came to get me saying, “Some guy’s on the phone...says he’s your neighbor and it’s urgent he speaks to you. He’s been on hold a while now.” When I got the call he introduced himself as someone living about a mile from me. He said his kids had been playing with my neighbor’s kids and the neighbor had a wall in his house covered with photos of me, obviously taken with a telephoto lens. I moved forty miles away because he’d done everything the BTK killer had done. The photos on the wall ticked off the final item. He still stalked me but I gunned-up and didn’t respond. He eventually started stalking the guy who bought my house. He sold out in six months. My real-estate agent, who went to school with the buyer and knew him as a bad ass said, “He’s a bad ass who got into lots of fights, but he’s also sane and he realized if he stayed one of them would die.”
Our society does not protect the good guy in conflicts. It has this insane zero tolerance that punishes the good guy...really more than the bad guy.