Does the alcohol do anything but act as a preservative?
If you can have sugar but dont like the alcohol then why not just make syrup, as in elderberry pancake syrup. Just make elderberry jelly and then accidentally on purpose dont put in enough pectin or use weak old pectin.
“...and your father smells of elderberries” because he was making wine with them. If its the strength of the alcohol rather than the presence then why not try some Englishmans Port. Elderberries are every bit as good as grapes for making wine and the product and process can be as simple or refined as your palette requires while still delivering all that elderberry goodness.
No doubt there are many ways to make elderberry syrup; this is just the method that has worked for me. I have made fruit syrups (non-medicinal!) like raspberry, for pancakes and the like, certainly could be done with elderberry. The amount of alcohol for preservation, along with using honey, is not very large; and people can try all different ways.