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Adversity does fire character and turn it to steel. You prove that.

Missing a father was not adversity to me - just a hole in my life that I’ve spent decades trying to fill. If I’m strong, then grandmother should be smiling. She was too strong for my mother, as father was. Mother was intellect. Grandmother and father were pure emotion. I’m the mix. Father placed mother on a pedestal where mother never wanted to be. She was his muse when all she wanted was a loaf of bread from the grocery. In one of his letters begging her to come back he wrote that he didn’t understand little girls - he taught rifle to boys and young men - but he hoped I’d understand. And I do, in a way mother never could have.

As for the alcohol, that was the intellectual part of me. Mother explained that I had the extremism of my father and that if I ever touched alcohol I would become an alcoholic. The risk was too great so I’ve never touched alcohol. Since I get high with the joy of life, that was never something I missed.

I’m with my second spouse, too, but had a much easier time of it than you did. Bruce brought me flowers the day of the divorce and I split the debts with him 50/50. And that Christmas I filled his freezer with steaks. I still love him to this day. We were better friends than spice.

I’m so glad you have children. There’s a part of you that will be living down through the ages and many of those descendants will make a mark that you would be proud to know. And you show them the character of strength and love and protectiveness that will enrich their lives. That’s a wonderful heritage.

Without children, I can only leave my research and my writing. And my music video art. But I write! I’ve got close to 30,000 web pages up and everything I learn I push out to everyone. Mother was brilliant and I’m a pale imitation. But she used that incredible mind to play mental games, not leave anything behind. As she was dying, she asked how everything she knew could disappear. That is where I put my effort. Everything I know WON’T disappear if the computer archives are up to it.

So one of the things I have up are the love letters from father to mother, as well as his marvelous poetry. I put them up on the web over 20 years ago. A gentleman wrote back then and asked to bring them to his fathers’ support group because they express so well what divorced fathers feel.

http://www.iment.com/maida/family/father/letters.htm

And you don’t need blessing. You’re doing a brilliant job of living your life. Keep inspiring your children!