....”There are several ways this piece could be organized into an essay that makes its points clearly and memorably, emphasizing them with relevant examples”....
I agree....but a good read just the same. Points could have been better written though.
His thesis, his facts, and his comparisons are outstanding. It’s just that the piece reads like a set of notecards arranged randomly, rather than a well-structured essay.
Mr. Greenfield is a very busy writer. It’s understandable that his output isn’t always as polished as it might be. This is an important topic, and I hope he will revisit it in a more focused way.