Going through that with my Dad now. I live with him and he had long term care insurance that pays for caregivers during the day.
Fortunately he gave me Power of Attorney years ago, and the way it’s set up, he’d have to get a doctor to acknowledge he is competent to reverse it.
I’ve not taken guardianship yet. But I have had to threaten that I would if he didn’t run important decisions by me first. Fortunately his sisters back me 100% and tell him to listen to me.
Early after his stroke, he traded a good car and $2000 cash to a caregiver for a broken down jeep, that wasn’t worth $2000. He ran it by me first, and I was just glad this would satisfy his new car bug. I didn’t check the book values or the condition of the jeep before I said yes. When I did, I realized just how bad his decision making was impaired.
I’ve tried to maintain his independence. I let him pay the bills, but I have caregivers that look and make sure the checks are legible and that the bill makes sense.
He still has two vehicles, even though he hasn’t been able to drive for a few years. The caregivers take him places in one.
He talks about renewing his drivers license every once and a while, and his gun permit, and he wants to know where the guns are. We tell him it’s not expired yet, and that he won’t be able to renew it when it does, He’ll have to get a state ID instead.
One issue I’ve had to deal with is that he wants to
carry too much cash on him. That one is a constant battle.
We’ve had caregivers that have stolen cash. And we have had caregivers that have stolen pain medicines. We keep all but the current week’s supply of pain killers and anti-depressants locked up now. One caregiver stole a voided check, washed it out and wrote it to herself and tried to cash it. Had the check cashing firm she went to cashed it for her, she’d be in prison now. As it was I still had to file my first police report. I think all in all we’ve been pretty lucky with caregivers.
I have had to file copies of the POA with the banks.
The IRS has their own form that he had to sign.
He checked into transferring the house to me a few years back, but an attorney told him he had enough insurance. (bad advice) I worry he will go into a nursing home and we will lose the house. As it is we have had to borrow against the house for medical expenses.
He still has good days where everything seems fine. But some days he thinks that I’m one of his brothers. And other days, he wants to know where the other Danny is. I guess he has an image of me when i was younger.
They refused to get long term care insurance when we would suggest it. They never believed they'd need it.
We tried to keep them in their house, hired housekeeper, mom would fire them after 1 week because they did something wrong, in her opinion. They had the money to pay caregivers to come in every day, but mom "didn't want them in her stuff." We told them they either needed to do those things or move into a retirement center. My sister cleaned their house for 8 years until she realized she was just enabling mom to do nothing about her own elderly care. It took them 5 years before mom decided it was time to make a move.