No. My mother is a very negative, demanding, unforgiving woman. She has been treated like a queen by my dad and all she does is tell him he doesn't do enough for her. His 2 retirements (which equal far more than most people working in a year make) are not good enough, he should have done more to earn more. She was a stay-at-home-mom & never had to work a day of her married life.
She has been told over & over dad has dementia & she responds with, "he'd remember if he wanted to" or she "will make him remember."
Call us bad children, but we had to live with her tantrums growing up, and they are even worse now.
I should have said work a day outside the home. She did have 6 children and the home was immaculate.
Sounds like your mother is in denial as facing what’s happening is too painful to consider.
I truly wish you the best in this but it’s not an easy road when dealing with parents you love, let alone those who are complainers.
In a sense you have to divorce yourself from that relationship in order to do what is best for them...as if advising someone else in your situation so that your decisions on their behalf are not so emotionally charged.
Since your mother is so demanding and negative, one thing we did with an argumentative family member is we all just began to agree with their complaints....then you listen to them rant for a bit until they’re out of steam...then they’re ready for a solution....or not til another time.
You may think she needs to be grateful but if she’s been like this for years there’s little that will change her temperment now. So you have to change your approach.
Yes it can be draining...but it does work.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. My father was abusive towards Mom and us kids. So I understand the tantrum aspect you mention. I always thought if it as manipulation.
I was blessed before my father died. He had a spiritual conversion a few years before his death. He was still difficult sometimes, but it was much more tolerable. You could see he was making an effort to not be so demanding and harsh. He actually had some good hearty laughs, something that was severely lacking when I was growing up.
Maybe recalling a few happy family memories might help your mom feel a tiny bit better. See if you can find something that gives her pleasure that’s not too hard on you. Laughter is good medicine, and maybe you can catch her at a good time to change her mind on the POA.
See if you can get the doctor to prescribe a low dose of Paxil, it has worked wonders for my MIL.
“Call us bad children, but we had to live with her tantrums growing up, and they are even worse now. “
Sounds very similar to my witch of a mother, who fortunately pre-deceased my dad (whom everyone in the family adored). My mom feuded with everyone throughout the family and kept us all from being with my dad, so we were overjoyed when she died first, and we could all enjoy the wonderfulness of my dad for a few short years before he passed as well.
Mom always thought dad would go first, and she had BIG plans to wield the estate over our heads to extort us to do her bidding. Little did she suspect that all the money in the world wouldn’t have made me or my brother do a damn thing for her until we had to bury her.
I was lucky with my dad though, because he let my sister and myself gradually take over his finances, and he gave up his car voluntarily when he could no longer feel his feet.
I think he was relieved we took over everything and no longer had to worry about the finances. We had durable financial powers of attorney, but pretty much just managed everything through online accounts anyway for him without bothering to send in the POAs in a lot of cases. By the end, the real property had all been sold and the estate was easy to wind up.
(BTW, the major precipitating factor in the final takeover of his finances was when he was going to be defrauded into buying a $15,000.00 “walkin” tub being sold on late night TV by Florida fraudsters. At that point, we realized we HAD to take over or he was going to be scammed out of everything sooner or later by making extremely bad decisions.)
At any rate, I realize you are in a much tougher situation than I ever had to face because of the dementia issues. Ultimately, it sounds like you and/or your siblings will probably have to end up “going nuclear” and obtain involuntary guardianship.
Here’s a google search about that:
The key to everything is for you and the bulk of your siblings to work together and reach agreement on what and how everything should be done. Without that, the situation will be hopeless.
I wish you well because things are mostly likely going to be pretty tough.