More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About Gas Cans

Blakeblog ^ | 10-9-2012 | Blake Sobiloff

[TurboZamboni]

The lowly gas can. A staple in almost every garage in America, storing a little bit of gasoline for the lawn mower, weed whacker, snow blower, and chain saw. Unchanged for nearly 50 years.

Until now.

Thanks CARB and EPA.

Back in 2008 the California Air Resources Board had stomped out all the major sources of air pollution in California, so they turned their Sauron-like gaze upon the evil, fume-spewing, toxin-dripping gas can as the next target of their regulatory empire. They mandated new containers and spouts that would eliminate those noxious off-gasses that contribute to smog in the valleys, and also prevent any possibility of spilling gas onto the ground. Of course, we all know what happens when bureaucrats design a new device, right?

Yep, that's right. The new gas cans with CARB-compliant spouts require three hands (at a minimum) to operate, inevitably cause the user to spill far more gasoline with each refuel of a lawn mower than he managed to spill over the previous decade in total, and flows with the velocity of a mouse with a bad prostate. So, ingenious Californians that we are, we've resorted to throwing the useless spouts away and simply pouring the gasoline from the container into a funnel, thereby eliminating all spillage and at the same time releasing approximately ten times the amount of aromatic fumes as before CARB got involved in the man-machine relationship.

Thus having proven the wisdom of bureaucrat-designed gas cans, the Federal government then decided that they should adopt CARB's brilliant dictates and apply them across this fruited plain.

[1010RD]

Not only that, but who wants to step into the market Blitz abandoned? Who would want to see their entire investment lawyered away?